Monday, 30 March 2015

Pink is not the enemy

My eldest daughter when she was about 4 and loving all things pink

It's been a few months now since Maggie's photo protesting Tesco's marketing of a superhero alarm clock as a gift for boys went viral and life has settled back down after a crazy few weeks.
I've had time since to reflect on some of the comments I received during that time. Not just the negative, I addressed most of those at the time in this blog, although just to clarify I never asked for, expected nor received any compensation from Tesco nor any remuneration from the various media outlets that covered the story. And similarly Maggie never asked for nor expected the alarm clock, this wasn't a spoilt child demanding a toy - she was annoyed at the principle because she knows children are teased or bullied for not conforming to accepted gender norms. She is aware how lucky she is and was in tears recently watching Comic Relief. She does now have the clock, it was bought for her as a Christmas present but it was a complete surprise received with genuine gratitude.
So with that off my chest I'm going to address some of the positive comments we received. It was touching to hear from people who had been on the end of mean and cruel statements, from the mother whose daughter was upset at Halloween because she was criticised for wearing a Batman costume to the young man teased for his Barbie collection. That is what Maggie and I were were making a stand against so it really meant something to hear our small protest might make some difference for people like this.
We were also both immensely grateful to receive so many compliments, I am very proud to have a daughter who is prepared to stand up for her principles and to think of others. However, while undoubtedly well meant she was also praised for not conforming to gender norms and this is where I politely disagree that she deserves plaudits any more than the little girl who wants to spend all day dressed as a princess surrounded by glitter. Being girly should never be seen as a negative character trait, our daughters should know that being feminine isn't a weakness. Pink is not the enemy, marketing pink as the only choice for girls is. Girls should no more be criticised for choosing a tiara than they are for wearing a Spiderman costume. Likewise while it's great when boys choose dolls or kitchens, that choice is not inherently better than the boy who wants a car or tool set. Parents shouldn't be apologetic when their daughter picks the soft toy or their son wants the digger.
Our children should be able to walk into any toy store and feel they can have the freedom to choose from any aisle, they should feel comfortable and confident in whatever clothes they wear. Our job is to let them know they have that choice, to accept them as they are and to teach them to accept others for who they are.