tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87501357270498427372024-03-14T03:31:28.355-07:00Thief of TimeMostly me procrastinatingKaren Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-70148605199405630862017-03-08T05:34:00.000-08:002017-03-08T05:34:23.563-08:00International Women's Day 2017 - the Women's Quilt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is International Women's Day and this morning a group of women were at Westminster for the launch of a quilt to remember the women killed by their partners and ex-partners between 2009-2015. The Women's Quilt is the brainchild of Gedling Labour Councillor, Roxanne Ellis but is a collective work undertaken by women across the country inspired by the <a href="https://www.womensaid.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigning-and-influencing/femicide-census/">Femicide Census </a>and Karen Ingala Smith's <a href="https://kareningalasmith.com/counting-dead-women/">Counting Dead Women </a>project. Each square of the quilt represents a woman killed by a partner or former partner and each is as individual as the women whose names it bears.<br />
Many of us will know somebody who has suffered at the hands of a partner or ex-partner. Hopefully these women are now safe but sadly the statistics tell us this is too often not the case. Between 2009-2015, 598 women were killed by domestic violence, two women A WEEK die and 100,000 people (mostly women) in the UK are at risk of being murdered or seriously injured by domestic abuse. Around 140,000 children live in homes where high risk domestic abuse takes place. Some of these children are at risk of physical harm themselves, all of them are at risk of mental harm caused by witnessing such violence.<br />
Yet despite the shocking statistics there still isn't enough being done to prevent domestic violence. Cuts to local government funding means domestic abuse services have been slashed, 17% of specialist women's refuges have closed down since 2010. Police budgets have also been cut and there is a disparity between how the various forces use their powers such as domestic violence protection orders to their full effect.<br />
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It is vital though that we remember these women were and are far more than these statistics. They were people with real lives and shouldn't be reduced to mere numbers, often only reported (frequently underreported) as victims, forever linked to their killer's name and sometimes even subtly blamed for their own deaths. Their murderers are even frequently discussed sympathetically - they were jealous, depressed, "always seemed so nice", people wonder what " drove them to it".<br />
The Woman's Quilt is firstly a shocking visual representation of the women killed by domestic violence but it's also a touching reminder of who these women were become they became victims. Every square in the quilt bears the name of a woman killed and many have been personalised further to represent more about who they were in life. Sadly little is known about some of the women, quilters trying to research their lives could often only find out about their deaths.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo courtesy of Louise Flanagan</td></tr>
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There is no doubt that there is a femicide epidemic, perhaps projects such as the Women's Quilt will serve to change how domestic violence is reported. Maybe by focusing more on the victims instead of the perpetrators we will start to work towards the cultural change needed so instead of responding to domestic violence after the act more can be done to prevent it happening in the first place. Already plans are being discussed for the next quilt to honour the women killed since 2015, the hope has to be that no such undertaking will be necessary. Sadly we all know that is unlikely and so the work to remember women will have to continue until such a time where real change occurs. The Women's Quilt represents victims of femicide but it is also represents people coming together to express love for women, anger at this ongoing atrocity and the hope for better.<br />
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It is hoped that the quilt can be displayed at venues across the country and there is a<a href="https://www.gofundme.com/the-womens-quilt"> Go Fund Me </a>set up to facilitate this. Please consider donating in memory of the 598 women killed by domestic violence.Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-48726420491369469792016-06-21T06:08:00.002-07:002016-06-26T16:04:15.353-07:00Taking My Country BackWhen I was at school studying Hitler's rise to power for GCSE History I remember thinking that thank goodness we had learned from the past. It was a time of hope, the years that followed saw the fall of the Berlin Wall, glasnost, Nelson Mandela's freedom and the end of apartheid in South Africa. With the optimism and arrogance of youth I truly believed that we would never go back to a time where we would allow politicians to create a climate of fear due to differences in skin colour or religion. How naïve I was. <br />
This week saw a major UK politician, Nigel Farage unveil a poster shamefully reminiscent of Nazi propaganda that was clearly designed to stoke fear of outsiders. A poster that showed hundreds of desperate refugees, a picture that should invoke compassion and a horror of what a bitter war is inflicting on its ordinary citizens, was instead used to scare people into believing an invading horde was coming to take over their country.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spot the difference</td></tr>
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This isn't the only example of course, last year the Daily Mail published a cartoon comparing Muslims to rats, again mimicking Nazi propaganda and there are constant newspaper headlines suggesting migrants and refugees are invading the UK.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just a small selection of anti-migrant headlines</td></tr>
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With such messages becoming rife in the mainstream is it any wonder that we're seeing a rise in far right groups? Of course these groups have always been among us, from Oswald Moseley's Blackshirts through to the National Front and BNP but they are slowly and surely becoming legitimised thanks to the drip feeding of hate from the likes of UKIP, rightwing newspapers, and politicians who would rather appease than oppose these views. When I was growing up the far-right was associated with hooliganism and ordinary people loathed their thuggishness. Now most people know somebody who has liked Britain First's Facebook page or shared one of their posts and it's far from uncommon to hear the refrain, "they have a point."<br />
During this bitter EU referendum we've all seen the comments about taking our country back. Many people will mean back from what they see as EU interference and bureaucracy but it's obvious that others mean something far more sinister. They want the country cleansed, back to what they see as its rightful Anglo whiteness, Eastern Europeans, POC and Muslims sent "back to where they came from." Somehow this has become more acceptable rather than repellent. I will be voting to Remain this week, I cannot and will not support a Leave campaign that instead of building a fair and responsible case against the EU (something that was entirely possible) has instead relied on lies and xenophobia. I will not be complicit in giving hope to far-right extremists and allow them to believe this is their time. I've seen their Facebook pages, I've seen their hatred, not only towards immigrants and POC (particularly but not exclusively Muslims) but also towards those who oppose them. I've seen them accuse people of being traitors, tell women they should be punished by rape, call the LGBT community unnatural perverts and talk longingly of bringing back concentration camps and gas chambers.<br />
I want my country back, the country that stood up to fascism, the country that when it joined what was then the EEC dared to hope, the country that I know can be welcoming, inclusive and a refuge to those in need. A country where we celebrate our differences because they are all a part of what makes our shared humanity. We are better than this. So no, I don't believe everybody who will vote Brexit is racist but I will not let fascism become our friend. As Jo Cox said, "there is more that unites us than divides us." That's the country I want.<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-13342172121830043552016-06-16T07:05:00.001-07:002016-06-18T01:34:37.613-07:00The shameful legitimisation of hate<br />
I first wrote this post yesterday morning but felt I had to update it following the shocking murder of MP Jo Cox in Birstall, Yorkshire. Not all the facts are known about her attack and death yet but it is looking likely that she was the victim of a politically motivated act of hate. Her attacker has been named as Thomas Mair and it is alleged he was a member of far right groups, the Southern Poverty Law Centre (SPLC) who monitor hate crimes and racist activities in the US also report he paid for literature that demonstrated how to make homemade bombs and guns.<br />
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Much is being made in the Press of his possible mental health issues. It cannot be stated too often that mentally ill people are at far more risk of being the victims of violence than of being the perpetrators. However, a man with an unstable mind doesn't live in a vacuum. Just like the rest of the population, Mair will have been bombarded with anti-immigration propaganda, like millions of others he will have been told that immigrants and refugees are to blame for the country's ills. Is it any wonder then that a fragile mind is driven to a despicable hate filled act by despicable hate filled words? Witnesses to Jo's murder have alleged he shouted "Britain First" as he stabbed and shot her. It is not known whether this was a direct reference to the far-right group but we shouldn't be surprised if the violent language used by nationalist groups has resulted in murder. When UKIP unveil a poster depicting refugees as an invading horde, a poster sickeningly and shamefully similar to Nazi propaganda, are we really surprised that people become consumed by rage? Farage may not be directly responsible for Jo's murder but by knowingly creating an atmosphere of fear and mistrust he may well have blood on his hands. <br />
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What really sickens me though is the way racism and xenophobia has been allowed to enter mainstream politics, encouraged by an increasingly right-wing Press.
It has become even more obvious during the EU referendum and it comes as no surprise that as a result immigrants and refugees have been dehumanised. This video shows English and Welsh football supporters in Lille taunting what appear to be refugee children by throwing money at the ground for them to scrabble for. And this brutish arrogance, this is why Brexit terrifies me.<br />
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I know not everyone voting to leave the EU is racist but the sad fact is the overwhelming narrative from the strongest voices campaigning to leave is one that is encouraging xenophobia. In a country where thanks to a Government only to willing to blame others for their failures and their cruel policies, there has already been a frightening increase in verbal and physical attacks on immigrants, and this nasty, vindictive EU referendum has only made things worse. And what happens after Brexit? What happens when the knuckle draggers in this video realise the country isn't miraculously cleansed of immigrants, they still hear foreign languages spoken on public transport, they still see Muslim women in hijabs on the streets (because let's not pretend there isn't a heady dose of Islamophobia in their rhetoric, particularly with the fearmongering about Turkey joining the EU)? Their racism has been legitimised, already there are <a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/MichaelLCrick/status/743068947789021184">rumours their clown prince, Farage will be offered a place in Johnson's Government.</a> </be>They've won, they're in charge now, the country voted; immigrants out. Beer swilling louts chucking coins for desperate children is sickening but it's nothing to what they'll believe is their mandate, their crusade to cleanse the country should Brexit win.<br />
And that, more than any economic argument, more even than fears over workers' rights is what terrifies me. Remain voters are often described as traitors, and unpatriotic yet it's this video that is being watched on news sites across the world. Is that what represents us now? Is that what we're supposed to be proud of?<br />
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I love living in this country. I love that we live in a democracy, imperfect though it may be. I love that most British people are kind, compassionate and giving. Just look at the responses to appeals following international disasters, or how communities come together after flooding destroys homes. I love our humour, I love our landscapes and our mix of diverse cultures, and I am immensely proud that we stood alongside other nations against fascism during the Second World War. That's why I hate what we are becoming, an insular and bitter nation, suspicious of foreigners, even those in greatest need. That's not my country. It's not just in Britain that fear and hate is taking hold of course. It was only this week we saw another act of terrorism, this time against the LGBTQ community when Omar Mateen killed 49 people and killed scores more at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. This has to stop. When we give too much credence to those who blame immigrants for problems caused by politicians, suggest refugees could be terrorists, and transgender people might be paedophiles, we are giving in to hate. Hate feeds hate which leads to violence and ultimately terrorism. Stop listening to people like Trump, Farage and Murdoch. Every suggestion that immigrants are ruining the NHS, that LGBTQ people are subverting our children, that Muslims are trying to inflict Sharia Law on us all, that refugees are just after our benefits, are drip-feeding us hate and making people angry. Stop them legitimising hatred. Embrace diversity, celebrate our differences because through them we learn. Love the fact that people choose to migrate here, to pay their taxes, to contribute to our culture. Be proud that refugees see us as a safe haven, free from the horrors they're fleeing. Learn about other religions, realise that fundamentalist believers are not representative and most people, whether Christian, Muslim, Jew, Sikh, Hindu or Atheist do not wish harm on others. Celebrate love, whether that love is between a man and a woman, two men or two women. Love is love. Accept that what you learned about gender growing up wasn't the whole truth, that people have a right to identify as they wish and that they deserve our love, support and acceptance not our misplaced fear. We need to remind ourselves that to disagree doesn't have to mean to hate, that the name-calling and accusations aren't debate and will lead to nothing but more anger.<br />
I don't know what will happen if the UK votes to leave the EU, I hope my worst fears aren't confirmed but right now I'm scared that like toddlers having a tantrum when things don't go their way, those who have been told that immigration is to blame will only react with more violence when they realise their pure blood utopia isn't going to be realised.<br />
I am British, I am European and I am a human. It's that last group that should matter the most.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-73408822748304161002015-09-30T05:09:00.001-07:002015-10-01T04:17:16.360-07:00Alone and at Risk: A Volunteer's Plans to Support Young Refugees at Calais Some of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers will have seen my posts about my brother Rob's plan to visit Calais to offer support to young people in the refugee camps there. I know how passionate he is about this and how given the opportunity will be able to offer valuable help to these vulnerable youngsters so I've invited him to answer a few questions about his plans, what he hopes to achieve and how he'd reply to certain points brought up in response to the refugee crisis.<br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Firstly, obviously I know you as my little brother, the boy who wore a green bobble hat for weeks and insisted on being called Mike (from the Monkees) but for the benefit of anybody who doesn't know you, can you tell me a bit about yourself, particularly what you do for a living?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">Having moved on from the greatest rock and roll band in the world... I trained as a youth worker and have worked face to face with children and young people for over 20 years, whilst working with young people I was drawn to youth homelessness and have also co-led large groups of volunteers to run cold weather shelters for homeless adults in London. I then went on to manage several homes in London that offer accommodation and high quality support for homeless young people and those who are leaving care. I now work in development and spend most of my time talking with local authorities across the UK and how the charity that I work for can help. I have a keen interest in working with young refugees in this country and am currently working on a project to offer them homes and support.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">I've seen lots of posts on Facebook about volunteers taking donations to refugee camps in Calais and beyond but you have different plans don't you?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">Yes, while I think it's hugely important that the right kind of donations are still being offered (please check with your local group before donating goods, there is no refuse collection in the camps), my plan is slightly different, I aim to spend some time trying to identify children and young people who are in the camps alone, without their parents. I want to help them move to safer, smaller and more appropriate camps where their needs can be met.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Why single out young people when people of all ages are suffering?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">The reality is that there is little infrastructure and a lot of chaos in the camps, with new arrivals daily and the threat of traffickers and exploitation the heightened risk to this specific group is worthy of attention. I have little understanding of the scale of the problem and part of my visit will be to plan for a more sustainable project later on. I have been inspired by a guy called John who I linked with some other friends who are in Calais. John used to run a logistics company and is using his skills to add a level of much needed organisation. This is a great example of using transferable skills for crisis management and I feel I can do the same. John went for a week and is staying for three months! He is also responsible for setting up the idea for volunteer houses which I intend to support.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">You've already raised more than your target of £400 but the fundraising continues, what do you plan to do with all the extra money raised?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;">I've been blown away by the support I have been given, my fundraising is currently at £1120, however I am committed to raising more money to help even more volunteers come and offer support. As I said before, the extra money will go towards John's efforts to rent houses for volunteers</span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">You've planned the one trip but with so many people still fleeing their homes what do you want to achieve in the longer term?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;">In my head I would like to see a rolling group of professional volunteers continuing the work. When I have a better idea of the realities involved I plan on pulling together people from the child support world who are willing to help me set up something more sustainable.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">Since the refugee crisis hit the headlines there have been several comments from people saying we should support our own homeless people first, particularly ex-service personnel. Are they right?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;">I am dubious to the real meaning of this suggestion, Firstly I don't recognise a difference between one person who needs help and another, we are all from Earth, and secondly, most of the people I have heard use this argument have done very little to offer help to those that they think have priority. I have spent years volunteering with Crisis, working with London's street homeless people, many ex service personnel, I would be more than happy to offer advice to those that see this as an option for their own volunteering efforts.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">What about people who are concerned that by offering help we are just encouraging more people to make the perilous journey to Europe and that more parents will be putting their youngsters in danger?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">If the only option you have is to risk your family's life at sea then it gives some indication of the scale of danger they are fleeing. There is good cause to offer safer assistance to those that are displaced and in transit and I believe the humane thing to do would be to spend public money and military time on evacuating these folk safely.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">If people are unable to donate financially are there other ways they can help?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">The biggest free thing to do is to talk to people, educate them on the reality, we can't rely on our media to tell an impartial story so let's tell our own.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;">Crowd fund! I've never done this before and am blown away by the amount of support I have received. People want to help, but sometimes don't know how. Why not help raise money for existing projects?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">And finally do you have a message for anybody who has already donated or is planning to?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">Firstly, those that have given, spent time, donated goods or have been sharing their stories, thank you, it's great to be a part of something better than what our world leaders are offering and your help will make a difference.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;">Those that are thinking of helping, do it! You may have noticed a lack of the big charities in Calais, the feeling is that they are holding off for political reasons. What we have left are many well meaning crowdfunder projects, it's really a case of putting your trust into something you are not sure about. I hope I have been able to reassure you that every penny that I raise is to maintain volunteer support in the refugee camps, and one person at a time we can all make this crisis a little brighter.</span><br />
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If you would like to make a donation you can find <a href="http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/robs-volunteer-visit-to-calais?utm_source=crowdfunder&utm_medium=dashboardmodel&utm_content=shareonfacebook&utm_campaign=marketing">Rob's crowdfunding page here.</a><br />
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Please consider offering help in any way you can, writing and sharing posts, not just this blog (although thank you if you do!) may not feel much but every Facebook post, every Tweet that recognises the humanity of refugees is adding to the noise that Governments will have to respond to. We can't let the overriding narrative be taken over by the negative, by those who choose to see our fellow humans as them and us.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-90798480507499402382015-09-03T07:06:00.000-07:002015-09-13T13:16:36.326-07:00Refugees welcomeAlan Kurdi aged three, Galip Kurdi aged five. Remember those names, not as the names of migrants, nor asylum seekers. Remember they were children, little boys who just needed somewhere safe.<br />
Maggie spotted the photo of Alan on Facebook and asked about it. I explained that people were trying to escape war zones or persecution but had drowned in the attempt. She assumed the little boy had fallen overboard and was an isolated case so when I told her that these drownings keep happening, that boats keep sinking and thousands of people have drowned she was horrified. At first she said she was glad she lived here where we're safe then worried that was selfish. I reassured her that being grateful for our lives doesn't make her selfish but some people think we shouldn't allow these people here too and that we don't have room for them. Her reaction was instant,<br />
"That's just wrong! We have lots of empty houses here. We could go and buy a spare bed to let somebody live with us. It's not fair to let poor people die like that."<br />
She is seven years old and in one sentence showed more compassion than many adults, including our Prime Minister.<br />
In September 1940, the SS City of Benares was torpedoed, 90 children were on board, evacuees bound for Canada. When the boat sank 77 of these children died. These were children who had been put on a boat to seek refuge in a safer country. At the time there was an outpouring of sympathy and support for those who had lost children. These parents weren't criticised for making the decision to try and send their children somewhere safer even though it proved to ultimately be the wrong decision. Likewise the father of Alan and Galip deserves compassion not condemnation for putting his sons in what turned out to be a fatal situation. This is a man who has lost both his sons and his wife and they risked their lives not for a benefits package but because they hoped they would be able to start a new life where they could be safe.<br />
I don't pretend to have the answers to the refugee crisis but I don't believe we can forsake our compassion, our humanity. It shouldn't matter whether a person is a brain surgeon or a street cleaner, is illiterate or has a university degree, we shouldn't only be moved to offer help because we may ultimately benefit from it, we should try to help because it's the right thing to do. These people are our fellow human beings and it should be our natural instinct to want to help. Of course that help should be ideally shared among countries, but we shouldn't refuse just because we perceive other countries aren't doing their bit. If we turn our backs and lose that instinct then I fear for what we have become and what we are capable of.<br />
Thankfully there are still many people who haven't lost their sense of empathy and compassion, humanity isn't yet done for. This <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/5-practical-ways-you-can-help-refugees-trying-to-find-safety-in-europe-10482902.html" target="_blank">article in the Independent </a>details ways in which people can help. The author, Patrick Ness pledged to match donations to Save the Children up to £10k, that total was reached in a few hours, John Green, Derek Landy and Jojo Moyes have since offered to match subsequent £10K increments. You can <a href="http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserPage.action?userUrl=PatrickNess&pageUrl=2">donate</a> here. Dawn <a href="https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/latest-news/2015/35/what-can-you-do-to-help-the-people-at-calais">O'Porter is gathering supplies and raising money for the refugees at Calais</a>. We may not have all the answers, we may often feel impotent but as long as we still feel, as long as we don't turn our backs then perhaps there is still some hope left?<br />
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Update<br />
Since I wrote this blog yesterday afternoon Patrick Ness' fundraising has gone from strength to strength and as well as raising a huge amount of money for the refuge crisis has sent out an important message, that many, many people do care about the desperate plight their fellow humans are in and want to help.<br />
Patrick's £10k donation has been matched by John Green, Derek Landy, Jojo Moyes, Hank Green and a group of American YA authors have also clubbed together to donate more. Just as important though are the donations from the public, from £1 to £10,000, they all send a message of hope and solidarity.<br />
As things stand, the amount raised is currently over £155,000 (not including at least £20k pledged and Gift Aid) and when it reaches £195,000 author Louisa Young has pledged to raise it to £200,000. Virgin Money Giving don't make a profit from the site but ordinarily charge a 2% fee to cover their costs - they have said they will waive all fees if the total reaches £250k.<br />
Last night Maggie came into the kitchen and said she wished she could do something to help. I told her I've donated some money and we've decided we're going to give some supplies to one of the organisations collecting for the Calais migrants, she's going to help me.<br />
Alan and Galip - remember those names but now let the spur be those who are still alive and need our help.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maggie's donation</td></tr>
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Update 2!<br />
Since my earlier update donations continue to pour in and several other authors and publishers have offered to donate £10k as the amount raised reaches subsequent targets. Money isn't the only answer but the generosity of all these people, from the smallest to largest donation is making me feel a bit weepy (in a good way!) this afternoon. Follow Patrick, @Patrick_Ness on Twitter for further updates.<br />
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<span id="goog_1682536579"></span><span id="goog_1682536580"></span><br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-75023250601747552902015-06-22T02:30:00.000-07:002015-06-22T02:31:28.290-07:00Back garden camping - just as well there's no pitch fee!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Maggie could have gone to Beavers Camp this weekend but when they were booking she was adamant she didn't want to go. A few days beforehand she changed her mind, "I didn't know there would be pudding" but it was too late. To cheer her up I agreed to sleep in the tent with her in the back garden over the weekend.<br />
We pitched the tent on Friday after school and after a lot of talking and a bedtime story she had finally fallen asleep but I was still awake and reading when something - or someone - hit the side of the tent. Then did it again. I immediately assumed it was my husband trying to spook us so waited for him to up the ante before it dawned on me that it was unlikely he'd bother getting out of his nice warm bed at 1am. So then I guessed it was the cat. I checked outside the tent and eventually spotted him - he was chasing a mouse that had taken refuge under the tent. After chasing him round, through and finally grabbing him as he attempted to scramble under the tent, I managed to hold onto him squirming while I unlocked the door and put him safely inside. At last I managed to get some sleep although it was broken much sooner than I'd have liked by the family of magpies who reside in our ash tree, they're noisy and frankly inconsiderate neighbours.<br />
So on Saturday night I was more prepared and made sure the cat was indoors - until Maggie opened the door and he ran out... He jumped over the fence so I reluctantly left him to it, read Maggie a story and tried to settle down to sleep. I'd just started to nod off when I heard miaowing outside the tent. I left my warm sleeping bag and chased him around the garden again before managing to persuade him that there was food and a comfortable armchair waiting inside. Finally I could sleep! Or at least I could sleep until 4am when I was woken up by Maggie stood by my head pleading, "Help me, help me, oh help me!" Confused and groggy, I asked her what was wrong. She asked me again to help her. "Do you feel sick?" She nodded. "Quick! Get out of the tent!" I fumbled around for my glasses as I couldn't see a thing, looked around to see her trying to put her shoes on, "Forget your shoes if you're about to be sick, just get into the garden!" She looked confused so I felt her brow, it didn't have that imminent about to throw up clammy feeling so I asked her again if she felt sick. She was non-committal so, reassured I sat her down, put her shoes on and took her into the house asking if she needed a wee. She vaguely nodded then tried to go into the kitchen before I steered her into the bathroom then back into the tent. She immediately fell back to sleep while I lay there listening to the early dawn chorus - the small birds go first before the magpies and pigeons take over later.<br />
At least the coffee making facilities were close by!<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-50779724717622772222015-06-15T02:02:00.000-07:002015-06-16T09:15:58.240-07:00Matt Haig, male suicide and feminism<br />
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The writer, Matt Haig has been on the receiving end of some harsh and unkind tweets recently for mentioning that he's thinking of writing a book on toxic masculinity. He's been accused of mansplaining, of ignoring his male privilege and of usurping the aims of feminism to make it about men.<br />
Having followed Matt for some time on Twitter now I know that he is a feminist, or if you prefer ( I don't), an ally to feminists and despite accusations to the contrary he is the antithesis to a men's rights activist.<br />
Feminism is a broad church and as with any such movements there are bound to be people who are fighting for different goals. However, all are under the umbrella of feminism and in-fighting among what should be allies surely helps nobody but those who wish to at least maintain the status quo, if not turn the clock back to when things were even worse.<br />
I'm a feminist, I can't remember deciding to become one, I just am. My version of feminism is about fairness and inclusiveness and that means recognising a patriarchal society can be damaging for men as well as women. It's about believing that if women can be strong then men can be vulnerable and should be able to express this without fear of being mocked. It's not about men co-opting the movement but it recognises the wider societal benefits.<br />
It's a personal issue for me too as my brother killed himself in 2012. He was in many ways a textbook stereotype of a male suicide, working class, drug addict, severe debt... Yet I knew the person beyond this - the little boy who was teased for being small at school until he learned that he could stop them by being tough. The teenager who hated his skinny body and was painfully awkward in social situations. The young man who lost his mother to breast cancer when he was only 19 and could never really talk about his grief, instead bottling up his emotions for years. The addict desperately fighting his demons, winning some battles despite the shame he felt until he ultimately lost his war. The body, cold and alone on a hospital mortuary bed.<br />
If you've never had to identify a body following suicide, never organised a funeral, never read the cold, hard facts in a coroner's letter, never watched your father break down in tears as he blamed himself then perhaps you're free to ignore what is happening to some of our men. I can't do that. I believe a society in which women have equal rights and equal respect will also benefit men who currently fear that not being the strong and silent type is a weakness, that mental health issues should be dealt with by "manning up" instead of by asking for help. Gender constraints harm us all, let's open up the conversation, feminism shouldn't be a closed shop.<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-63911447241324867302015-03-30T05:06:00.000-07:002015-03-30T05:07:01.831-07:00Pink is not the enemy<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My eldest daughter when she was about 4 and loving all things pink</td></tr>
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It's been a few months now since Maggie's photo protesting Tesco's marketing of a superhero alarm clock as a gift for boys went viral and life has settled back down after a crazy few weeks.<br />
I've had time since to reflect on some of the comments I received during that time. Not just the negative, I addressed most of those at the time in this <a href="http://athiefoftime.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/maggie-v-tesco-our-story.html" target="_blank">blog</a>, although just to clarify I never asked for, expected nor received any compensation from Tesco nor any remuneration from the various media outlets that covered the story. And similarly Maggie never asked for nor expected the alarm clock, this wasn't a spoilt child demanding a toy - she was annoyed at the principle because she knows children are teased or bullied for not conforming to accepted gender norms. She is aware how lucky she is and was in tears recently watching Comic Relief. She does now have the clock, it was bought for her as a Christmas present but it was a complete surprise received with genuine gratitude.<br />
So with that off my chest I'm going to address some of the positive comments we received. It was touching to hear from people who had been on the end of mean and cruel statements, from the mother whose daughter was upset at Halloween because she was criticised for wearing a Batman costume to the young man teased for his Barbie collection. That is what Maggie and I were were making a stand against so it really meant something to hear our small protest might make some difference for people like this.<br />
We were also both immensely grateful to receive so many compliments, I am very proud to have a daughter who is prepared to stand up for her principles and to think of others. However, while undoubtedly well meant she was also praised for not conforming to gender norms and this is where I politely disagree that she deserves plaudits any more than the little girl who wants to spend all day dressed as a princess surrounded by glitter. Being girly should never be seen as a negative character trait, our daughters should know that being feminine isn't a weakness. Pink is not the enemy, marketing pink as the only choice for girls is. Girls should no more be criticised for choosing a tiara than they are for wearing a Spiderman costume. Likewise while it's great when boys choose dolls or kitchens, that choice is not inherently better than the boy who wants a car or tool set. Parents shouldn't be apologetic when their daughter picks the soft toy or their son wants the digger.<br />
Our children should be able to walk into any toy store and feel they can have the freedom to choose from any aisle, they should feel comfortable and confident in whatever clothes they wear. Our job is to let them know they have that choice, to accept them as they are and to teach them to accept others for who they are.Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-60102932137184867322014-11-25T07:25:00.002-08:002014-11-25T07:52:58.963-08:00 Maggie v. Tesco, our story.<br />
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Some of you may have seen this picture of my youngest daughter, Maggie recently. Much to our surprise it seems to have gone viral. I haven't actually tweeted much about it and only answered a few questions from Buzzfeed so have decided to write this blog to explain how the picture came about and to answer a few points raised.<br />
On Saturday I was with Maggie in the Tower Park Tesco store, it's a branch I'm not that familiar with and so we were wandering up and down the aisles trying to find things. She was talking to me about The Flash and said it would be really cool if he was in the shop. I agreed and suggested I could give him my shopping list and he could get the stuff far more quickly than we were managing, "Don't be silly Mummy, The Flash is too fast for shopping!"<br />
Soon after that she spotted the sign. I was distracted looking for something and wouldn't have noticed it if she hadn't pointed it out. Last year she started coming home from school saying some of her friends were suggesting some toys were for girls and some for boys. I explained that they were wrong, if the toy looks fun to play with then anybody should be able to play with it. She could play with knights and dragons (her thing at the time) and boys could play with dolls and kitchens if they wanted to. We agreed that "everybody can like what they want to like." So when she noticed the sign in Tesco I was pleased she'd remembered our conversation and impressed by her indignation (and a little amused by her cross face). I suggested taking a photo mostly because I thought she looked cute and I thought I'd show some friends on Facebook who share my feelings on toys. Shortly after that she went back to the car with her dad while I finished the shopping and we didn't think much more about it. Later that day I posted it on Facebook and a friend suggested I share it with Tesco and Let Toys Be Toys. I tweeted it not really expecting much of a reaction, it was a Saturday evening, I supposed social media staff were signed off for the night. I hoped it would be retweeted a few times so that Tesco noticed it and would perhaps respond. If they removed the sign then we'd feel we'd done something positive, if they didn't we would point and roll our eyes at the silliness whenever we spotted it.<br />
Then it went viral. Tesco responded quite quickly with an apology and a promise to remove the sign in the store. They've since confirmed it will be removed from all stores. Buzzfeed asked if they could run a story and I agreed because I wanted to show Maggie that it's worth standing up for what you believe in. It's now Tuesday and her picture is still being retweeted with most people agreeing with her. Some people have disagreed though, as is their right. I am not going to get into arguments over it on Twitter but thought I'd respond to a few points here.<br />
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"There are worse things happening in the world." Absolutely right, I never suggested otherwise. It was only a small moment in our day. I'm well aware far more shocking things are happening across the world right now. It's not a huge thing in my life either, my other blog about <a href="http://aftersimon.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">my brother's suicide</a> should demonstrate I've dealt with far more than an annoying sign.<br />
However, just because there are terrible things happening doesn't mean we can't point out the smaller things. I think part of the reason this has gone viral is because people often feel helpless and yet in a very small way seeing a little girl change something has made people realise now and again you can make a bit of difference.<br />
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"You're turning her into a man-hating feminist." Rubbish! My own heroes are my grandfather who passed away in 2012 and my brother who does vital work supporting homeless and vulnerable young people. Why would I want her to hate men? However, I do want her to grow up believing people are equal, regardless of their sex, skin colour, race or sexuality, and I want her to feel empowered to stand up for her beliefs.<br />
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"It's just a sign, not an instruction. Buy the toy if you want to." Yes, I'm aware of that but I'm an adult. Small children on the other hand often believe what they're told and if they're constantly seeing signs telling them something is "for boys" or "for girls" they may start to believe it, particularly when their peers are also seeing these labels and parroting them at school. Remember the eleven year old boy who attempted suicide earlier this year because he was<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/14/michael-morones-my-little-pony_n_5148498.html" target="_blank"> bullied for liking My Little Pony?</a> That's why these signs and labels are damaging, not because my daughter was annoyed but because children are being teased and bullied for not conforming to the perceived gender norms. I know most boys like superheroes and most girls like princesses, some though don't - or like both. This is for them.<br />
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Yesterday I received a tweet from somebody who said "Your little girl, makes it easier for my little girl to be herself. Thanks."<br />
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That's what makes all this worth it.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-45679573489474105712014-10-10T03:34:00.001-07:002014-10-10T03:39:55.795-07:00World Mental Health Day 2014 - Schizophrenia Awareness<br />
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It's World Mental Health Day today and after the loss of my brother to suicide, a day I'm always keen to support. This year the focus is on raising awareness of schizophrenia. It is a condition I know little about, as far as I know I don't know anybody with it (although of course the stigma surrounding the illness may mean I do know people affected but they haven't disclosed it). So it's not a condition that directly affects me nor am I a carer, family member or friend of somebody living with schizophrenia. So why am I writing about it today?<br />
My brother's death was a thunderbolt for me, not just in losing him but also the sudden and stark reminder that mental illness can affect us all, either directly or through the suffering of those close to us. We need to accept that mental illness is just that, illness and we are all susceptible. Therefore just because I don't currently know anybody with schizophrenia it shouldn't mean I don't educate myself about the condition and days like World Mental Health Day mean I can learn more and add my voice to those asking for better understanding, more money to be spent on treatment and support, improving access to care and ensuring people in need receive the benefits they are entitled to without stigma and discrimination. I believe we have a moral duty as fellow human beings to offer solidarity and advocacy, being a part of society means recognising our obligation to help even if we are not directly affected because ultimately being in that society means we are all affected.<br />
Schizophrenia affects approximately 26 million people globally, people with the condition live 15 - 20 years less than the general population, they are 6 - 7 times more likely to be unemployed, are more often homeless and in contact with the criminal justice system and 5 - 10% more likely to take their own life. Yet treatment and recovery is possible. Around 25% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia recover fully and a further 25 - 35% show considerable improvement and lead relatively independent lives. It is therefore a major health inequality that so many people with schizophrenia die at a younger age than average. People with schizophrenia are often in poor physical health due to side-effects from anti-psychotic medication, the Mental Health Foundation wants that addressed by requiring that GP's carry out regular health checks for all people with severe mental health problems. It also wants NICE guidelines for the treatment and management of schizophrenia and psychosis to be correctly adhered to, to ensure that people diagnosed with the condition have full access to a range of treatment and support, with the best care possible to help them manage their condition and recover. People also need high quality, safe and rapid access to help when they are having a mental health crisis, that means hospitals should provide comprehensive liaison psychiatry services 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A typical misleading and scaremongering headline</td></tr>
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We need as a society to demand these rights for people living with mental illness, in the same way we demand the best treatment possible for people suffering physical illnesses. Many people believe mental health and physical health shouldn't be considered separately, the brain after all is a part of the body and people with mental health issues often have physical symptoms too. Indeed the World Health Organisation definition of health is as follows, " Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." Recognising mental illness as a physical health issue could go some way to reducing stigma. We need therefore to learn to look beyond the scaremongering headlines, schizophrenia isn't a Care in the Community failure with hordes of dangerous psychotics roaming the streets, 99.7% of people suffering with schizophrenia will not be convicted of a violent crime in a given year, in fact sufferers are 14 times more likely to be a victim of violence. We need to revise old prejudices and realise that one way or another we are all living with schizophrenia and we all have an obligation to educate ourselves, to stop discriminating and to work with sufferers and advocates to ensure those diagnosed receive the full help and support that should be their right.<br />
Statistics and facts taken from the<a href="http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/world-mental-health-day/world-mental-health-day-2014/" target="_blank"> Mental Health Foundation website</a>, please click the link for more information on what schizophrenia is, living with the condition and what needs to be done to help.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-35171950505541108652014-05-08T08:20:00.000-07:002015-03-30T16:53:45.177-07:00UKIP Go Yesterday on Facebook I posted a comment about how every day I see so many anti UKIP statuses and links on my timeline and that I've chosen my friends well. One of my friends replied, "Now if only I could say the same about links to bloody Frozen..."<br />
Being the good friend I am (!) I could only respond one way - so with sincere apologies to the writers of Let It Go from Frozen, I give you...<br />
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<i><u>UKIP Go</u></i><br />
<i>Farage grins wide on the TV tonight</i><br />
<i>"No immigrants to be seen</i><br />
<i>A kingdom for the English</i><br />
<i>And it looks like I can win</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>The EU is letting all these foreigners inside</i><br />
<i>Couldn’t keep them out, heaven knows I tried</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Don't let them in, don't let them breed,</i><br />
<i>Be the English you always want to be</i><br />
<i>They'll take our jobs and claim the dole</i><br />
<i>Well I say no"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>Can't hold it back any more</i><br />
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>Go away and slam the door</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I don't care</i><br />
<i>What you're going to say</i><br />
<i>Let the bigots rage on</i><br />
<i>Your lies never bothered me anyway</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>It's funny how your policies</i><br />
<i>Cannot be found at all</i><br />
<i>And the fears you try to pass on</i><br />
<i>Don't get to me at all</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>It's time to see what I can do</i><br />
<i>To stop you racists coming through</i><br />
<i>I'm right, you're wrong, no lies for me</i><br />
<i>For I can see</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>You don't speak for me, don't try</i><br />
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>We all know that you lie</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Here I stand</i><br />
<i>And here I'll stay</i><br />
<i>Let you just rage on</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>UKIP will run the NHS into the ground</i><br />
<i>Pregnant women, sick and disabled rights will not be found</i><br />
<i>And so we need to keep this resolution fast</i><br />
<i>UKIP can't win, let's consign them to the past</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>This country won't be torn</i><br />
<i>UKIP go, UKIP go</i><br />
<i>I won't rest till you're gone</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Here I stand</i><br />
<i>In the light of day</i><br />
<i>Let you just rage on</i><br />
<i>Your lies never bothered me anyway.</i><br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-34786994653879647122014-05-02T01:45:00.000-07:002015-03-30T16:54:40.107-07:00Peaches Geldof's death; tragic, not selfish<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday we learned that "Recent use of heroin and the levels identified were likely to have played a role" in Peaches Geldof's tragic death. As well as the many thoughtful comments I read yesterday I saw several which were quick to condemn her actions as those of a junkie mother who deserves no sympathy. Rather than being so quick to start pointing the finger we need to think about what demons drove her to drugs. She was clearly a mother who adored her children, so to be at a point where she would need to take heroin in their presence (if reports are true she had one of her children in the house with her when she died) then that doesn't say selfishness to me, it suggests an overpowering desperation. Addiction is not enjoyable, it's an illness that controls and destroys lives. There is so much stigma around mental health and addiction possibly gets the worst of it. Heroin use can be a destructive vicious circle; the short term high may relieve physical and emotional pain but the long term effects of taking it are dependency and depression relieved only briefly by another hit. We can't know why Peaches turned to the drug that killed her own mother, what dark place she may have been in. Instead of being so quick to judge why people become addicted to something maybe we should accept we don't know their lives and what led them to their drug of choice? Even if elements of our lives are similar we are not them, we've not lived the same lives, not felt the same emotions, not experienced the same pain and the desperate need to end that pain.<br />
My brother was a heroin addict. He killed himself in 2012. Not with heroin, he gassed himself in his car but his postmortem showed he had drugs in his body at the time of his death. The last thing we as his family needed to hear after he died was that he had been selfish (and we did hear it a few times). When your world has been tilted from its axis, when your head is so full of every emotion imaginable you fear it might explode, when it feels as though part of you has been violently ripped out you do not need to hear that the person you loved chose to leave you through selfishness. The note he left showed we were in his thoughts, he had been thinking of us but he believed the pain he was feeling had become such that dying was his only option, he couldn't bear it any more.<br />
Peaches deserves compassion; none of us know what she was feeling in her last few moments, but so too do her family, they need the time and space to grieve the woman they loved. What they don't need is strangers making cruel judgements on a situation they know next to nothing about. They will be experiencing overwhelming emotions right now and anger will probably be one of them. That is normal and is their right, it is not our right to feel sanctimonious anger on their behalf. Their anger is not likely to last, it's just one feeling amongst the horrible confusion of feelings that come with a sudden and unexpected death. They don't need an uninformed public being angry and critical on their behalf. Her children in particular don't need to grow up in the glare of publicity as "the poor children left by the selfish and tragic Peaches Geldof." They need to know their mother loved them totally, that she didn't choose to leave them but she needed the unbearable pain that engulfed her to end and that is what led to her tragic loss of life (the same holds true for whether she hoped for a temporary respite from hurting or wanted it to end permanently). It wasn't selfishness nor recklessness, she was driven by the sort of anguish that most of us should count our lucky stars we can't even really imagine.<br />
If you can't accept that then perhaps just consider this is one of those times where "if you can't say something nice..." should come into play.<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-90644860234799951272014-03-28T03:49:00.000-07:002014-04-05T02:27:21.040-07:00Marriage, homosexuality and the matter of choice.Equal marriage is back in the news as tomorrow (29th March) same sex couples will be able to marry in England and Wales. Predictably those who disagree with the law are raising their voices again in what is hopefully a last gasp feeble protest.<br />
If we ignore their suggestions that equal marriages undermine the foundation of marriage and marriage is for the procreation of children - marriages are undermined by factors like infidelity, abuse or contempt not by the institution no longer being an exclusive club for heterosexual couples, and couples who wed after the woman was fertile, who are unable to conceive and those who decide to remain child-free are also presumably wrong - we're left with the matter of choice.<br />
Firstly the choice to be gay, lesbian or bisexual. If that's a choice then I and millions of others chose to be straight. I don't remember making that choice...because I didn't. Therefore why the assumption that people make a decision not to be heterosexual? It's clearly nonsense.<br />
So then the assertion follows that if people don't choose to be gay they at least choose to act on it and here's where bigotry really rears its ugly head. What these people are doing is trying to deny mutually consenting gay people the same basic right we straight people have. The freedom and right to form sexual relationships. Instead they believe people should ignore their feelings and live an abstinent lie. Such arrogance (for that's what it is) is unbelievable. What gives anyone the right to take away somebody else's choice just because they don't like it?<br />
If you are getting married soon then I wish you every happiness. The only effect equal marriage will have on my marriage is that finally I won't be in that exclusive club, I'm glad the doors are finally open to all. Now we just need to start calling it "marriage" regardless of the sex of the couple tying the knot.<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-14412732690678279432014-03-20T02:37:00.001-07:002014-03-22T05:52:37.223-07:00Why I am judging children's books by their coversThis is my six year old daughter, Maggie. She likes princesses, fairies and kittens. She also likes superheroes, aeroplanes and dragons. She has a Lalaloopsy mermaid and a Playmobil pirate ship, a Rapunzel dress and a Spiderman costume. She plays with soft toys and with her remote controlled car.<br />
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She also likes books, mostly when I read to her but she's beginning to read to herself too, she recently loved The Dinosaur's Packed Lunch by Jacqueline Wilson. Her favourites are The Tiger Who Came to Tea, Fox in Socks and Zog.<br />
As she grows older I don't want her being told that certain books aren't for her. I want her to choose a book based on whether she thinks she will find it interesting or fun, not because she's been told it's meant for girls. More importantly I don't want her rejecting books because the front cover tells her it's for boys.<br />
<a href="http://www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk/" target="_blank">Let Toys Be Toys </a>has recently been campaigning against gendered books for children and in the light of this The Independent and The Independent on Sunday announced they <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/genderspecific-books-demean-all-our-children-so-the-independent-on-sunday-will-no-longer-review-anything-marketed-to-exclude-either-sex-9194694.html" target="_blank">will no longer be reviewing gender-specific children's books. </a>Whilst many people have applauded the campaign not everybody agrees, with the usual cries of censorship and accusations of not accepting that girls and boys have different tastes and shouldn't be forced into books that don't interest them just to prove a point and to create a homogenised society that doesn't recognise the natural differences between the sexes.<br />
Surely though by telling children that a book isn't for them they have less choice? Yes more boys may choose books about tractors and pirates and more girls may be drawn to fairies and butterflies (at 5 or 6 my eldest daughter would have picked the fairies every time) and that's fine but not all of them will and they deserve the right to make their own choices. There can still be books called "The Big Book of Tractor Driving Pirates" or "Pretty Fairies Fly with the Butterflies" but neither also needs a "helpful" blue or pink cover and the words "boys" or "girls" emblazoned on the front. Just imagine if well-loved children's books were marketed like this; "The Gruffalo - A Monster Book for Boys" or "Tales of Peter Rabbit - Bunny Tales for Girls". Once a young child can read they will be led by what they're told and if they see a book labelled as not for them they won't read it for fear of being wrong, even before then colour will influence their choices. Do not underestimate how quickly children start to believe that certain toys or books are gender-specific, Maggie even came home from school saying a boy in her class said her umbrella is for boys. Her umbrella is a clear dome with a green tortoise on it. All this campaign is asking is that children are allowed to be guided by their tastes and interests and not by prescriptive - and restrictive - front covers.<br />
<a href="http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/usborne-buster-igloo-other-children-s-publishers-stop-labelling-children-s-activity-sticker-and-story-books-as-for-girls-or-for-boys" target="_blank">You can sign the Let Books be Books petition here.</a>Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-36968843529841419612014-03-19T07:14:00.000-07:002015-06-15T14:11:34.225-07:00No bare-faced selfies here - Why I don't like Cancer Awareness Facebook gamesIn the last couple of days on Facebook I've noticed a few people (women) posting pictures of themselves without make-up, purportedly for "Cancer Awareness". Like most people my life has been affected by cancer, I've lost my mum, two grandparents, two aunts and an uncle to the disease. However, although I appreciate the goodwill behind the act I won't be joining in.<br />
Firstly I'm not sure what it really achieves. Nobody woke up this morning, logged into Facebook to see an unmade up friend and thought, "Oh yes! I'd forgotten that cancer exists!" Yet that's all several of these photos are doing, mentioning the word "cancer". Not enough seem to have any point to them beyond that, with no links to fundraising or symptom guides. There is the argument that people like me (and I've noticed several of my friends) rant about these supposed awareness posts with specific links therefore raising true awareness and that's true but I'd still prefer to see less of the vague and more of the actual.<br />
Secondly so often these posts or games are female-centric, particularly those that involve secrets, "Post your bra size" or "State where you keep your handbag" but "Don't tell the men." Why? Are men not affected by cancer too? Even if we're just talking breast cancer it's not a women only cancer, men get it as well. And of course plenty of men see their loved ones with the disease, it's not just us women who suffer that.<br />
There is also something a bit unsettling about the notion that a cosmetic free face is somehow shameful, that it's brave for women to post bare-faced photos. I did see a suggestion on Facebook that women don't buy make-up for a month and donate the money saved to a cancer charity instead and that makes more sense to me (although personally I can go several months without visiting the cosmetics counter!) Likewise being sponsored to go make-up free for a certain amount of time is more proactive.<br />
I don't want to be critical of the people who do take part in these viral games, I do believe they join in with the best intentions. I'm just not convinced it's the best use of their time, "for Cancer Awareness" is just too vague.<br />
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Know your body, recognise <a href="http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Aboutcancer/Signssymptoms.aspx" target="_blank">the signs and symptoms of cancer </a>and visit your GP early.<br />
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<a href="http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Donate/" target="_blank">Donate to Macmillan Cancer Support</a><br />
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<u><b>Update 20th March 2014</b></u><br />
Since I posted this blog something wonderful has happened and over one million pounds has been donated to cancer charities. So I've been forced to reconsider my stance on what these Facebook games achieve and I'm happy to concede that in this case I got it partly wrong. I stand by my opinion that just posting a photo isn't really enough and I saw several instances where that is all people appeared to do. Perhaps they did donate but I'm still of the opinion that if you're going to post something regarding "cancer awareness" you need to make it more proactive or it just looks to be empty words.<br />
I wrote my post early in the day when it just appeared to be yet another game, it turned out I was wrong, it became much more and if I caused any upset I apologise. I hope this will mark a permanent change and people will realise the vague statuses about bra sizes or handbags really aren't enough.<br />
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In memory of my mum, Mollie Adlem 1952-1994<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-5493599914777185482014-03-11T05:04:00.000-07:002014-03-12T04:33:20.217-07:00But what if one life is saved...?Last Wednesday<a href="http://athiefoftime.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/breast-cancer-awareness-should-be-much.html" target="_blank"> I wrote about</a> The Sun's Check 'Em Tuesday campaign, <a href="http://nomorepage3.org/" target="_blank">No More Page 3 </a>retweeted the link and posted it on their Facebook wall. The response was phenomenonal, to date it's had over 14,100 views and I've been touched by the many kind words I've received, clearly this is an issue that has affected many people.<br />
Naturally I've been reading other people's responses too, both for and against the campaign. One thing that has struck me is the view that it's somehow churlish of those of us who have been angered or upset to complain because if one life is saved it will have been worth it. I don't believe for one moment that anybody will be hoping that no lives are saved nor do I believe that they won't be as pleased as the next person should there be an early diagnosis. However, I don't think that this means The Sun should be free from criticism, that we shouldn't question their motives and discuss whether they could achieve more success by handling the issue differently. To use a clumsy analogy, when the Titanic sank the response wasn't "well at least some people were saved." Lessons were learned resulting in a complete overhaul of maritime safety laws around the world.<br />
I am not against The Sun joining forces with Coppafeel to run a breast cancer campaign aimed at young women and I'm not naive enough to believe that newspapers align themselves with charities for purely philanthropic reasons. I realise they do it to sell more copies. Nevertheless I still think there is an important distinction between hoping increased goodwill leads to more sales and using a campaign to justify an increasingly criticised feature within the paper. The former can be overlooked as nobody is harmed, the latter has led to people affected by cancer, either directly or through loved ones to be hurt and outraged. And this isn't an empty manufactured outrage. When I first saw the front page of The Sun last week I was momentarily stunned. Losing my mother has shaped my life, the day she died is burned into my memory. The woman who I was closest to in the world, who could laugh until she shook, who despite being only 5 feet and half an inch could make men who towered over her meekly apologise when she was angry, didn't recognise us any more. Dosed up on morphine in a hospital bed we didn't get to share any meaningful last words, we sat and we watched until her breathing slowed and then stopped. One of my brothers killed himself in 2012, his depression quite possibly originally triggered due to her death when he was only nineteen. The Sun has cruelly and blatantly trampled on people like me and the many women and men who have ever been diagnosed with breast cancer and for that I am furious. Regardless of whether a life is saved The Sun still deserves to be criticised for what is an unforgivable decision. They could have made it The Sun v. Breast Cancer, foregone any Page Three involvement and featured ordinary women. After all they managed it later in the week with their feature on men's cancer for the far less publicised Going Commando campaign.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A telling comparison of the images used by The Sun last week.</td></tr>
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Lives may be saved but what if more lives could have been saved had they done it differently? Page Three after all exists for men, will that many women really respond to a sexualised image of a perfect body or would they be better reached by less salacious means? Will this campaign really lead to a permanent change in the habits of young women or will this see a short-lived increase in self-examinations that will be forgotten once The Sun moves on to another headline grabbing stunt?<br />
I grew up in a council house, my dad worked in a factory and read The Sun. Twenty years ago I was one of the women allegedly targeted by this campaign. Twenty years ago I was on the verge of losing my mum to breast cancer. Any life saved by Check 'Em Tuesday is a success but let's not pretend this is anything other than cynical exploitation. Does the end justify the means? Perhaps...but that doesn't mean we shouldn't shout loudly when the means could have been done differently and better.Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-848394739324786012014-03-05T12:39:00.001-08:002014-03-09T04:47:26.441-07:00Breast cancer awareness should be much more than tits out for the lads.In 1992 when I was 20 my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her own mother died in 1986 and <i>her</i> mother was also killed by it. For two years I watched her fight, after she had a double mastectomy we soon learned that her cancer was terminal and treatment would be palliative only but she was determined to live as long as she could and as well as she could. We went through some dark times, when she was hunched over the toilet bowl after another round of chemotherapy, when she reacted badly to the antiemetic drugs, when she cried at the thought of leaving us. It wasn't all awful though, she had a wicked sense of humour and we laughed a lot during those two years, people who knew her will remember somebody who was a positive force and an inspiration and comfort to other cancer sufferers.<br />
She died in 1994 aged just 42 years. I am now 41 and so have lived most of my adult life without a mother. With my family history I've always been aware of my own risk and last year had my first mammogram which was thankfully clear but I've been told I should have them yearly.<br />
So breast cancer awareness is something that is very close to my heart and I would love to be able to applaud The Sun for their latest campaign but when I saw the front page of their paper yesterday I was upset and angry. How dare they use the disease that killed my mum to justify Page 3? How could they be so insensitive as to show a model cheekily posing in just her knickers as the face of breast cancer awareness when there are women who have undergone mastectomies? How dare they patronise and demean the young women of this country by suggesting this is the best way to raise awareness of the disease in the under thirties? I do think that people need to be reminded that breast cancer isn't just a disease of older women, it affects young women and men too but how is a Page 3 model the best choice for that? Why not feature a young woman with breast cancer on their front page? Why not feature a man? Male breast cancer is rarely discussed.<br />
Some people have said that if the campaign saves one life it will be worth it and despite my own opposition to their tawdry and cynical attempt to make Page 3 respectable I hope that they do succeed. However, let's not pretend this is anything but self-serving. An early diagnosis to The Sun will mean an opportunity for a gloating headline, nothing more than that. If they want to change the minds of those of us who feel this is exploitative publicity grabbing for all the wrong reasons then they need to stop linking the disease to sexuality. They need to show us front page pictures of the women who have been affected by cancer. People like my friend Tigs Barnes who had had a double mastectomy eight years ago. Several attempts at implant reconstruction failed and in 2008 she had a successful bilateral diep reconstruction - the gold-standard method - which uses skin, blood vessels and fat from the patient's abdomen. After I took to Facebook to rant about The Sun yesterday Tigs bravely made the decision to post photos of herself showing her scars.<br />
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This is what women who have fought breast cancer look like. They may not be the media's idea of perfection but they are beautiful and strong. Most importantly they are still here, so when I discuss breast cancer and the importance of checking your breasts to my daughters I won't be showing them a tacky picture from The Sun, I'll be showing them Tigs and telling them that breast cancer doesn't need to be a killer. Not always as I know only too well but early diagnosis can be the difference. Isn't that a better message for young women?<br />
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I have published Tigs' pictures here with her full knowledge and consent.<br />
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Jessica Dean of Brighton has set up a <a href="https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/the-sun-newspaper-apologise-for-the-crass-and-insensitive-page-3-vs-cancer-front-page-donate-profits-from-that-day-to-breast-cancer-charities-and-run-a-front-cover-with-true-to-life-breast-cancer-care-image?just_signed=true" target="_blank">petition</a> at change.org<a href="https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/the-sun-newspaper-remove-today-s-completely-insensitive-front-cover-replace-tomorrows-cover-with-breast-cancer-care-s-true-to-life-image-and-donate-all-profits-made-today-to-breast-cancer-charities?just_signed=true" target="_blank"> </a>suggesting that if The Sun really wants to prove it cares about raising awareness of breast cancer and not publicity for Page Three then it should feature this image on its front page.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-80813579555842585322014-02-07T10:04:00.000-08:002015-03-30T04:50:02.469-07:00Dear Mr Putin...Dear Mr Putin,<br />
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This is what I think about your concern for children,<br />
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It's homophobics like you that children need protecting from. My 6yo knows some people are gay because there is no reason why she shouldn't. I just wish she didn't have to learn that some people are bigots.<br />
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Yours<br />
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A parent<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-65483834357855894152014-02-06T02:29:00.000-08:002014-02-06T12:40:30.854-08:00It's Time to Talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is the first ever <a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talkday" target="_blank">Time to Talk Day</a>. People are being encouraged to start conversations and to raise awareness of mental health. Hopefully the more it's talked about the more people will come to realise that mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of. So this is my contribution to the conversation.<br />
I have never suffered from a mental health condition. Yet. I'm not naive or arrogant enough to think I never will. My mum went through a period of depression when I was 9 or 10 but I didn't know until she "admitted" it to me years later. It was a secret, something to be kept under wraps and not really spoken of. All I know is it was triggered by her feeling isolated when we lived in a village. She never talked of it again and died of breast cancer when I was 22 so we never had an adult conversation about it.<br />
My brother suffered from depression too and he was a heroin addict. I don't know what came first - heroin is a depressive but did he start taking the drug because he was already depressed? He told me he felt driven to drugs but he never told me about his mental health issues. The first I knew of his depression was in the note he left. In August 2012 he became a statistic, another man lost to suicide. In 2011 6,045 people took their own life in the UK - 4,552 of them were men. The highest rate was in the male age bracket 30-44<br />
Every day I wish that I'd picked up the phone more often, that when I'd asked "how are you?" it was more than a glib conversation opener and he could really have told me. Every day I wish there wasn't still a stigma to admitting you have a mental health condition and he could have told someone that he was struggling. Every day I wish somebody could have held his hand and waited with him, just being there until the darkness started to lift.<br />
Nobody should be forced to talk if they don't want to of course but it's time for the rest of us to speak up and say we're here, we're ready to listen and we won't judge.<br />
It's Time to Talk. Please.<br />
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<a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/" target="_blank">Time to Chang</a>e<br />
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T<a href="http://www.samaritans.org/" target="_blank">he Samaritans</a>; 0845 90 90 90<br />
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<a href="http://www.thecalmzone.net/" target="_blank">CALM</a>; 0800 58 58 58<br />
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My blog about learning to live after suicide is called After Simon and can be found <a href="http://aftersimon.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">here</a><br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-11581224176838575942013-12-17T06:55:00.000-08:002013-12-17T06:55:30.676-08:00Elf on the Shelf; The Adventures of Eddie and Cedric - Part OneDecember in our house signals elf on a shelf time aain. Our elves aren't spies and don't report back to the North Pole, they are here for fun. Eddie arrived three years ago with a letter from Father Christmas explaining he was keen and meant well but tended to make a mess so it was decided he should come to our house to help make Christmas fun rather than being on toy making or reindeer care duty. Cedric actually belonged to me when I was a little girl (and lived with my grandparents before that) but last year Father Christmas decided Eddie would like a friend so used his North Pole magic to turn him into a Christmas elf too.<br />
As luck would have it I came down with a horrible bout of flu at the start of December but thankfully my fourteen year old, Lorna took on the job of arranging elf mischief before I was able to take over. Here are their adventures so far this year;<br />
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1st December - Eddie and Cedric brought Maggie her Playmobil advent calendar and a letter thanking her for looking after them during the year when they are "just" toys.<br />
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<span id="goog_394919688"></span>2nd December - I'm a Celebrity Elf - Get Me Out of Here!<br />
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3rd December - we awoke to find them stuck on top of the curtains.<br />
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4th December - a joint effort by Lorna and Connie meant the elves could be fairies for a while.<br />
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5th December - den building with the cushions from the sofa. Arthur the Playmobil elf joined in the fun.<br />
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6th December - popcorn and a Christmas film (Elf of course.)<br />
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7th December - Snakes and Ladders<br />
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8th December - Strictly Come Dancing. The minion was a particularly generous judge!<br />
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9th December - pin the nose on Rudolph<br />
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10th December - their attempt to help decorate didn't quite go to plan.<br />
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11th December - my brother and his fiancee sent a request to Eddie and Cedric and so this was for them; Score Tonight from Grease 2 - elf style!<br />
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12th Dec - they decided the Christmas tree needed something more - and that something was socks!<br />
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13th December - a calmer night, they read Christmas stories to some festive friends.<br />
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14th December - Snowball fight!!!<br />
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15th December - The elves version of Titanic. Eddie taking on the role of Rose ensures there is no space for poor Jack/Cedric. Maggie obviously hasn't seen the film but liked them playing shipwrecks.<br />
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16th - Elfie selfies!<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">Part Two to follow....</span></div>
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-74741903291289362192013-11-04T03:59:00.000-08:002013-11-04T09:28:29.092-08:00Pumpkins, Puddings and Pancakes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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With Halloween over for another year and some shops already decorated for Christmas, I thought this would be a good time to share some of the ways my family marks the passing of the year.<br />
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As it's November I'll start with Autumn....<br />
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The Autumn Seasonal Table - collect leaves, berries, twigs, conkers etc. Add to it occasionally and make leaf rubbing pictures. Spend the rest of Autumn annoyed with my husband as he keeps putting his mobile/work folder/glasses/paper etc on top of it all.<br />
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My birthday - presents in the morning, breakfast when I make it, takeaway for dinner. Husband inevitably has a "can't miss" golfing day.<br />
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Halloween - Carve a few pumpkins or squashes. Hand out sweets in blue plastic bowl because I forgot to get anything spookier looking. Dress children (just Maggie nowadays) in shop bought outfits. Dress myself in black top, black skirt and witches hat. Get told off by Lorna for dressing up. Sneak some witchy make-up on when Lorna has gone off with friends. Trick or treating to relatives and a couple of school friends. Wipe off make-up before picking up Lorna. Realise a few days later the pumpkin lanterns have turned soft and are hairy.<br />
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Christmas Pudding Day - every year I plan to make one on or around Stir Up Sunday....sometimes (rarely) I succeed. Otherwise go to supermarket and buy two large puddings as they're on special offer. Realise I am the only person who likes Christmas pudding and will be eating it well into the New Year.<br />
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Elf on a Shelf - Maggie's elves Eddie and Cedric come to life on 1st December to deliver her advent calendar and to join in the seasonal fun. Start to run out of ideas after a week. Intimidated by Pinterest. Wake up in a panic at 3am one morning realising elves have been forgotten about, stumble into bathroom and draw fake beard and glasses on face. Spend morning trying to scrub pen off face.<br />
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Tree Day - bring tree down from loft. Argue about where to put it. Let the girls decorate as they see fit. Realise afterwards I forgot to hand out mince pies. Eat mince pies and redecorate tree when girls are in bed. This year will be different though as we've agreed to buy a real tree. I'm predicting that just as we've finished decorating it the cat will remember how much fun it is to climb trees, particularly trees that thoughtfully have toys hanging from them and by Christmas Eve it will be looking like the wreckage from the St Jude storm.<br />
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Visit to Father Christmas - Usually visit Father Christmas at Poole Park. Enjoy joke again about turkey going on holiday to O-ven. Remind older two that any younger children believe it is the real Father Christmas and they aren't to snigger too loudly at the fake beard, even if they can see the elastic.<br />
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Christmas Eve - Sneakily put present from the elves outside the back door, engineer way of getting Maggie to find it. Realise she wouldn't spot a wrapped elephant unless it stood on her foot. Engineer a second reason to go outside, this time with her. "Spot" presents and exclaim in surprise. Husband takes girls out to look at Christmas lights while I sort out stockings. This mostly involves me losing at least one present and phoning him in a panic telling him not to come home yet in a coded message as he has the mobile on hands free and the girls can hear me. Track Santa on Norad. Have "live" phone calls from Santa - secretly laugh at Lorna and Connie's acting skills as they try to make it look like they still believe for Maggie's sake. Allow the eating of one chocolate off the tree. Leave out milk, mince pie and carrot. Swap empty stockings for filled ones. Put presents under tree, spend what feels like hours waiting for girls to sleep to put stockings on beds. Eat mince pie, chop end off carrot and nibble it, attempting to make teeth marks look reindeer like. Wonder again why Father Christmas has milk and not something alcoholic in our house.<br />
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Boxing Day - crackers, cheese, leftovers day (more Christmas pud for me)<br />
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New Years Eve - board game, argue about what to watch on telly, drink sparkling wine or very dilute Mimosas at midnight (except Maggie who will have fallen asleep at some point between 9 and 11.45pm). Hopefully eat last of Christmas pud. Find a second Christmas pudding at the back of the cupboard. Several months later read at school "And on New Years Eve we stayed up late and drank wine"<br />
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Day before back to school day - realise nothing has been washed, PE socks are missing and lunch boxes still contain leftovers from last day of term<br />
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Pancake Day - spend what feels like hours by a frying pan, have several unsuccessful attempts at tossing pancake. Make alternatives for those who don't like pancakes. Eat those pancakes that were dropped or fell apart - cold.<br />
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Mothers Day - wake up to presents, spend most of day bemoaning still having to do everything because otherwise we'd all starve and go to school/work naked etc<br />
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Good Friday - buy Hot Cross buns on a bogof offer, remember children don't like them. Eat Hot Cross buns for every meal.<br />
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Easter Sunday - nests made from blankets made on Easter Saturday night, filled with eggs from Easter Bunny and family. Little chocolate eggs, mini-eggs etc hidden in various locations in sitting room. Find at least one egg on sofa - by sitting on it.<br />
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Fathers Day - cards, gifts, cooked breakfast, husband's choice of evening meal with banoffie pie for pudding even though only husband likes it.<br />
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Seaside Weekend June/July - plan to go out the day before. Wake up late and argue as to whether it's still worth going out. Realise no food in house for picnic. Buy food in Tesco. Arrive at beach at lunch time, already starving. Nowhere to sit, eat picnc in car, husband moans about crumbs. Realise it's much colder than expected and regret wearing shorts.<br />
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Husband's birthday - he wakes up to presents, breakfast made for him, if it's the weekend he plays golf. Go out for a meal.<br />
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Week's holiday in August - I pack for me and younger girls, write a list, lose list, pack clothes for every weather event possible despite knowing it's unlikely to be snowing in the Vendee in August. Lorna packs practically every item of clothing she owns and still asks me the evening before if I can wash and dry something she desperately needs to take. Husband packs his clothes, forgets to pack underwear. First argument in car about 20 minutes after leaving house. Get lost in Rouen. "It's not a holiday for me if I have to do everything" becomes a daily mantra. Husband horrified by amount of food and sand that accumulates in car during week. Careful pre-holiday packing not matched post holiday as everything is thrown into bags and cases. Takes three goes to fit everything into car. First argument about 10 minutes after leaving holiday complex. Get lost in Rouen.<br />
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Day before new school year - see day before back to school day.<br />
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<br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-51777988913058915842013-10-25T06:31:00.001-07:002013-10-25T06:31:58.524-07:00Mind the gap!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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On Monday my youngest daughter, Maggie will turn 6. She wants Playmobil pirates and penguins and a mermaid birthday cake. The following weekend she's having a party with the usual Pass the Parcel and Musical Statues games, with her whole class invited.<br />
Talking of parties, tomorrow night my eldest daughter, Lorna is going to the party of a sixth form boy. She is fourteen. There will be drink there and sixteen, seventeen and eighteen year old boys. I am taking deep breaths! She is going with friends and I know I have to trust her to make the right decisions.<br />
This is what life is often like when you have children with a larger age gap between them. I can spend my evenings swapping between listening to Maggie read an Oxford Reading Tree book to helping 11year old Connie remember her lines for a Year 7 Drama lesson, to assisting Lorna with revision before an assessment. It's a house with the giggles and tears of a small child, the door slamming and craziness of a preteen and the sarcasm and wit of a teenager.<br />
Days out aren't always easy, the rosy view I had of being out with my family together turns out not to be as straightforward as I'd imagined. One of them is almost always bored. We have realised it's often better for everybody if one or two are left behind (with grandparents in the case of the younger two). Maggie really doesn't enjoy shopping and Lorna hates tagging along on day trips meant for younger children. Enforced togetherness just for the sake of it doesn't work. That said when they are all out together it can be wonderful, I was watching them on the beach in France earlier this year. They'd marked out a long jump track and were taking it in turns to see how far they could jump but were mostly just laughing with each other.<br />
When Lorna is taking her A levels, Connie will be in her first GCSE year and Maggie will still be at primary school in Y4 and I will probably be asked to organise a Victorian Day costume with two days notice again.<br />
I've been reading The Gruffalo and Monkey Puzzle before bed for years, have seen infant TV crazes go from the Teletubbies to the Tweenies to Balamory to In The Night Garden to Mike the Knight. I know the words to all the songs from Tangled, can name every member of One Direction and know who Tyler Oakley and Zalfie are.<br />
And I wouldn't have it any other way.Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-32547534273467740122013-10-17T06:04:00.001-07:002013-10-17T08:17:50.317-07:00Out ThereI've just watched the second part of Stephen Fry's series on what it means to be gay in different parts of the world. It is a hugely important series, we're living in a world where on the one hand we're celebrating as more and more countries pass equal marriage laws whilst at the other end of the scale laws exist criminalising homosexuality or outlawing "homosexual propaganda." In too many parts of the world it's a frightening and dangerous time to be LGBT. Homosexuality is illegal in 78 countries, it's illegal to be a lesbian in 49 countries. In 5 countries same sex activity is a crime punishable by death.<br />
I am straight, laws passed giving LGBT people more rights or taking them away do not directly affect me. I am not victimised by homophobia. This doesn't mean I nor any of us should sit back and pretend we're not affected at all. What sort of world do we want to live in? We cannot and should not accept that somebody is treated differently, as a threat to our children, as somebody to be feared, despised or ridiculed just because of their sexuality.<br />
I do not "tolerate" gay people, neither do I "accept" them. I don't say I tolerate or accept straight people so why would I need to for non-heterosexuals? People just are and if I'm going to judge somebody it certainly won't be because of who they are attracted to.<br />
I'm more minded to say what I won't tolerate and what I won't accept. I won't accept homophobia, not the laws being used to threaten LGBT people in places like Russia and Uganda, not the "therapies" used to supposedly cure gayness and not the casual use of the word gay as an insult.<br />
Today is Spirit Day when people are asked to either wear purple or go purple online to support the stand against the bullying of LGBT youth. I've just taken these statistics from Stonewall's website from their School Report 2012 looking at the experience of gay young people in Britain's schools:<br />
<ul style="color: #2c2b2c; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Helvetica, Jamrul, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; list-style: none; margin: 1.5em 20px 1.5em 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;">Homophobic bullying continues to be widespread in Britain’s schools. <strong>More than half</strong>(55 per cent) of lesbian, gay and bisexual pupils have experienced direct bullying</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;">The use of homophobic language is endemic. <strong>Almost all</strong> (99 per cent) gay young people hear the phrases ‘that’s so gay’ or ‘you’re so gay’ in school and <strong>ninety six per cent</strong> of gay pupils hear homophobic language such as ‘poof’ or ‘lezza’</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;"><strong>Three in five</strong> gay pupils who experience homophobic bullying say that teachers who witness the bullying never intervene</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;"><strong>Only half</strong> of gay pupils report that their schools say homophobic bullying is wrong, even fewer do in faith schools (37 per cent)</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;">Homophobic bullying has a profoundly damaging impact on young people’s school experience. <strong>One in three</strong> (32 per cent) gay pupils experiencing bullying change their future educational plans because of it and <strong>three in five</strong> say it impacts directly on their school work</li>
<li style="background-image: url(http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/2009site/icons/li_arrow.gif); background-position: 0% 0.6em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px;">Gay people who are bullied are at a higher risk of suicide, self-harm and depression. <strong>Two in five</strong> (41 per cent) have attempted or thought about taking their own life directly because of bullying and the same number say that they deliberately self-harm directly because of bullying.</li>
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To quote Edmund Burke, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Perhaps there is little I can really do here, I'm aware I'm an armchair warrior but I don't think that's enough of an excuse to just sit here and accept what happens with a rueful shake of the head. At the very least the more of us straight allies who stand shoulder to shoulder with the LGBT community the stronger the message sent out to homophobes across the globe.<br />
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Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-58126554703474075602013-10-16T02:59:00.002-07:002013-10-16T03:05:38.632-07:00#amwritingFirstly you may have noticed the title of my blog has changed. <a href="http://hairpastafreckle72.blogspot.co.uk/">Hair Past a Freckle</a> still exists but will now be just for book related posts. This blog will be for my general bletherings about whatever I feel like writing about. The title was inspired by Charles Dickens' quote, "Procrastination is the thief of time".<br />
Welcome to my not really new as I've moved old posts here blog!<br />
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It was my birthday on Sunday, I was 41. I spent much of the day reading and writing. As a young child through to my teenage years I wrote all the time, poems mostly, but stories too. At some point though I stopped for some reason, even though still wrote in my head. I just never put anything down on paper. After my brother died last year however, I started another blog, <a href="http://aftersimon.blogspot.co.uk/">After Simon</a> as I felt my head was going to explode unless I wrote the words down. It was as if I had no choice, I didn't so much want to write as needed to. Since then it feels like the door I closed on my writing has been opened, firstly through blog posts but eventually I ignored that niggling critic and started writing a book. It's very early stages and may only ever be for my eyes, I don't yet know how I'll feel when it's finished. It doesn't matter though, it just feels good finally admitting to myself that I need to write and that there doesn't need to be a reason other than that.<br />
In the meantime I've been reading tips from other writers which mostly seem to boil down to eating toast and spending too long on Twitter - both of which I'm already very good at!<br />
And on that note, the toaster has just popped...Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8750135727049842737.post-65981928417953718412013-10-03T06:41:00.000-07:002013-10-15T09:10:34.883-07:00Mum, the Milibands and the MailIt's my mum's birthday today. She should have been 61, instead she is frozen in my memory at 42, the age she was when bronchopneumonia secondary to metastatic breast cancer stole her from us. She was diagnosed with cancer just a month after her 40th birthday, I was 20 and my brothers 17 and 16 respectively. We watched her undergo gruelling chemotherapy, cried with her when we learned her treatment was palliative, tried to become used to seeing her without hair, listened to her vomiting day after day in the bathroom, saw the cancer cruelly invade her bones. And finally we sat with her in that hospital cubicle as she ceased to recognise us and then thanks to the morphine drifted into a sleep that we watched over holding our breaths as we waited for her to take her last.<br />This November she will have been dead for 19 years, I have spent most of my adult life motherless. She knew I was engaged but missed my wedding, has never known her grand-daughters, hasn't grieved with me as I've mourned the death of aunts and uncles, my grandad and my brother (would my brother still be alive if she was?) She hasn't seen the woman I've become.<br />Yet she shaped me. We frequently disagreed and had she been alive I know we'd have engaged in some strong discussions. Our political views were different and I wonder what she would have made of my parenting. I suspect she may not have agreed with all my decisions and probably would have said as much, but she raised me to believe in my choices. I always knew I was unconditionally loved by her and my dad and between them they gave me the confidence and self-belief to be who I choose to be. And that's what being a parent is all about really isn't it? No matter how you choose to raise a child your ultimate aim is for that child to grow into an adult secure enough in your love and respect to make their own choices in life.<br />So it is that as I remember Mum I'm struck by the thought that Ralph Miliband's sons are adults raised in a loving family and given the self-belief to make decisions based on their own consciousness. The Daily Mail has been roundly and rightly criticised this week for its disgusting slur on a dead man based on a diary entry of a 17 year old. There can be no defence for this sort of gutter journalism. Ultimately though would it really have mattered if Ralph had hated Britain? Ed is not Ralph and whilst he may have been influenced by his father it's clear he's chosen a different political path. Are we all to be judged by the beliefs of our parents? We don't have to go back very far to a time when institutionalised racism and homophobia were commonplace. How many of our parents or grandparents would have supported equal marriage back in the 50s, 60s or 70s? How many casually referred to "going for a chinky", watched Love Thy Neighbour or referred to children with Down's Syndrome as mongols? We are not the same. Our parents made mistakes, we have learned from them. We should not be judged by their beliefs but by our own. Because despite their mistakes they gave us the confidence to make up our own minds.<br />So yes the Mail's lies are sickening and shame the free Press and I understand Ed's disgust and admire him for standing up to Dacre. Were the story true though would it have influenced my vote? Not a bit.<br /><br /><br /><br />Karen Cole/Hair Past A Frecklehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18348543322720002115noreply@blogger.com0