International Women's Day 2017 - the Women's Quilt

Today is International Women's Day and this morning a group of women were at Westminster for the launch of a quilt to remember the women killed by their partners and ex-partners between 2009-2015. The Women's Quilt is the brainchild of Gedling Labour Councillor, Roxanne Ellis but is a collective work undertaken by women across the country inspired by the Femicide Census and Karen Ingala Smith's Counting Dead Women project. Each square of the quilt represents a woman killed by a partner or former partner and each is as individual as the women whose names it bears.
Many of us will know somebody who has suffered at the hands of a partner or ex-partner. Hopefully these women are now safe but sadly the statistics tell us this is too often not the case. Between 2009-2015, 598 women were killed by domestic violence, two women A WEEK die and 100,000 people (mostly women) in the UK are at risk of being murdered or seriously injured by domestic abuse. Around 140,000 children live in homes where high risk domestic abuse takes place. Some of these children are at risk of physical harm themselves, all of them are at risk of mental harm caused by witnessing such violence.
Yet despite the shocking statistics there still isn't enough being done to prevent domestic violence. Cuts to local government funding means domestic abuse services have been slashed, 17% of specialist women's refuges have closed down since 2010.  Police budgets have also been cut and there is a disparity between how the various forces use their powers such as domestic violence protection orders to their full effect.

It is vital though that we remember these women were and are far more than these statistics. They were people with real lives and shouldn't be reduced to mere numbers, often only reported (frequently underreported) as victims, forever linked to their killer's name and sometimes even subtly blamed for their own deaths. Their murderers are even frequently discussed sympathetically - they were jealous, depressed, "always seemed so nice", people wonder what " drove them to it".
The Woman's Quilt is firstly a shocking visual representation of the women killed by domestic violence but it's also a touching reminder of who these women were become they became victims. Every square in the quilt bears the name of a woman killed and many have been personalised further to represent more about who they were in life. Sadly little is known about some of the women, quilters trying to research their lives could often only find out about their deaths.

Photo courtesy of Louise Flanagan

There is no doubt that there is a femicide epidemic, perhaps projects such as the Women's Quilt will serve to change how domestic violence is reported. Maybe by focusing more on the victims instead of the perpetrators we will start to work towards the cultural change needed so instead of responding to domestic violence after the act more can be done to prevent it happening in the first place. Already plans are being discussed for the next quilt to honour the women killed since 2015, the hope has to be that no such undertaking will be necessary. Sadly we all know that is unlikely and so the work to remember women will have to continue until such a time where real change occurs. The Women's Quilt represents victims of femicide but it is also represents people coming together to express love for women, anger at this ongoing atrocity and the hope for better.

It is hoped that the quilt can be displayed at venues across the country and there is a Go Fund Me set up to facilitate this. Please consider donating in memory of the 598 women killed by domestic violence.

Taking My Country Back

When I was at school studying Hitler's rise to power for GCSE History I remember thinking that thank goodness we had learned from the past. It was a time of hope, the years that followed saw the fall of the Berlin Wall, glasnost, Nelson Mandela's freedom and the end of apartheid in South Africa. With the optimism and arrogance of youth I truly believed that we would never go back to a time where we would allow politicians to create a climate of fear due to differences in skin colour or religion. How naïve I was.
This week saw a major UK politician, Nigel Farage unveil a poster shamefully reminiscent of Nazi propaganda that was clearly designed to stoke fear of outsiders. A poster that showed hundreds of desperate refugees, a picture that should invoke compassion and a horror of what a bitter war is inflicting on its ordinary citizens, was instead used to scare people into believing an invading horde was coming to take over their country.

Spot the difference

 This isn't the only example of course, last year the Daily Mail published a cartoon comparing Muslims to rats, again mimicking Nazi propaganda and there are constant newspaper headlines suggesting migrants and refugees are invading the UK.

Just a small selection of anti-migrant headlines

With such messages becoming rife in the mainstream is it any wonder that we're seeing a rise in far right groups? Of course these groups have always been among us, from Oswald Moseley's Blackshirts through to the National Front and BNP but they are slowly and surely becoming legitimised thanks to the drip feeding of hate from the likes of UKIP, rightwing newspapers, and politicians who would rather appease than oppose these views. When I was growing up the far-right was associated with hooliganism and ordinary people loathed their thuggishness. Now most people know somebody who has liked Britain First's Facebook page or shared one of their posts and it's far from uncommon to hear the refrain, "they have a point."
During this bitter EU referendum we've all seen the comments about taking our country back. Many people will mean back from what they see as EU interference and bureaucracy but it's obvious that others mean something far more sinister. They want the country cleansed, back to what they see as its rightful Anglo whiteness, Eastern Europeans, POC and Muslims sent "back to where they came from." Somehow this has become more acceptable rather than repellent. I will be voting to Remain this week, I cannot and will not support a Leave campaign that instead of building a fair and responsible case against the EU (something that was entirely possible) has instead relied on lies and xenophobia. I will not be complicit in giving hope to far-right extremists and allow them to believe this is their time. I've seen their Facebook pages, I've seen their hatred, not only towards immigrants and POC (particularly but not exclusively Muslims) but also towards those who oppose them. I've seen them accuse people of being traitors, tell women they should be punished by rape, call the LGBT community unnatural perverts and talk longingly of bringing back concentration camps and gas chambers.
I want my country back, the country that stood up to fascism, the country that when it joined what was then the EEC dared to hope, the country that I know can be welcoming, inclusive and a refuge to those in need. A country where we celebrate our differences because they are all a part of what makes our shared humanity. We are better than this. So no, I don't believe everybody who will vote Brexit is racist but I will not let fascism become our friend. As Jo Cox said, "there is more that unites us than divides us." That's the country I want.

The shameful legitimisation of hate

I first wrote this post yesterday morning but felt I had to update it following the shocking murder of MP Jo Cox in Birstall, Yorkshire. Not all the facts are known about her attack and death yet but it is looking likely that she was the victim of a politically motivated act of hate. Her attacker has been named as Thomas Mair and it is alleged he was a member of far right groups, the Southern Poverty Law Centre (SPLC) who monitor hate crimes and racist activities in the US  also report he paid for literature that demonstrated how to make homemade bombs and guns.

Much is being made in the Press of his possible mental health issues. It cannot be stated too often that mentally ill people are at far more risk of being the victims of violence than of being the perpetrators. However, a man with an unstable mind doesn't live in a vacuum. Just like the rest of the population, Mair will have been bombarded with anti-immigration propaganda, like millions of others he will have been told that immigrants and refugees are to blame for the country's ills. Is it any wonder then that a fragile mind is driven to a despicable hate filled act by despicable hate filled words? Witnesses to Jo's murder have alleged he shouted "Britain First" as he stabbed and shot her. It is not known whether this was a direct reference to the far-right group but we shouldn't be surprised if  the violent language used by nationalist groups has resulted in murder. When UKIP unveil a poster depicting refugees as an invading horde, a poster sickeningly and shamefully similar to Nazi propaganda, are we really surprised that people become consumed by rage? Farage may not be directly responsible for Jo's murder but by knowingly creating an atmosphere of fear and mistrust he may well have blood on his hands.

What really sickens me though is the way racism and xenophobia has been allowed to enter mainstream politics, encouraged by an increasingly right-wing Press. It has become even more obvious during the EU referendum and it comes as no surprise that as a result immigrants and refugees have been dehumanised. This video shows English and Welsh football supporters in Lille taunting what appear to be refugee children by throwing money at the ground for them to scrabble for. And this brutish arrogance, this is why Brexit terrifies me.

I know not everyone voting to leave the EU is racist but the sad fact is the overwhelming narrative from the strongest voices campaigning to leave is one that is encouraging xenophobia. In a country where thanks to a Government only to willing to blame others for their failures and their cruel policies, there has already been a frightening increase in verbal and physical attacks on immigrants, and this nasty, vindictive EU referendum has only made things worse. And what happens after Brexit? What happens when the knuckle draggers in this video realise the country isn't miraculously cleansed of immigrants, they still hear foreign languages spoken on public transport, they still see Muslim women in hijabs on the streets (because let's not pretend there isn't a heady dose of Islamophobia in their rhetoric, particularly with the fearmongering about Turkey joining the EU)? Their racism has been legitimised, already there are rumours their clown prince, Farage will be offered a place in Johnson's Government. They've won, they're in charge now, the country voted; immigrants out. Beer swilling louts chucking coins for desperate children is sickening but it's nothing to what they'll believe is their mandate, their crusade to cleanse the country should Brexit win.
And that, more than any economic argument, more even than fears over workers' rights is what terrifies me. Remain voters are often described as traitors, and unpatriotic yet it's this video that is being watched on news sites across the world. Is that what represents us now? Is that what we're supposed to be proud of?

I love living in this country. I love that we live in a democracy, imperfect though it may be. I love that most British people are kind, compassionate and giving. Just look at the responses to appeals following international disasters, or how communities come together after flooding destroys homes. I love our humour, I love our landscapes and our mix of diverse cultures, and I am immensely proud that we stood alongside other nations against fascism during the Second World War. That's why I hate what we are becoming, an insular and bitter nation, suspicious of foreigners, even those in greatest need. That's not my country. It's not just in Britain that fear and hate is taking hold of course. It was only this week we saw another act of terrorism, this time against the LGBTQ community when Omar Mateen killed 49 people and killed scores more at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. This has to stop. When we give too much credence to those who blame immigrants for problems caused by politicians, suggest refugees could be terrorists, and transgender people might be paedophiles, we are giving in to hate. Hate feeds hate which leads to violence and ultimately terrorism. Stop listening to people like Trump, Farage and Murdoch. Every suggestion that immigrants are ruining the NHS, that LGBTQ people are subverting our children, that Muslims are trying to inflict Sharia Law on us all, that refugees are just after our benefits, are drip-feeding us hate and making people angry. Stop them legitimising hatred. Embrace diversity, celebrate our differences because through them we learn. Love the fact that people choose to migrate here, to pay their taxes, to contribute to our culture. Be proud that refugees see us as a safe haven, free from the horrors they're fleeing. Learn about other religions, realise that fundamentalist believers are not representative and most people, whether Christian, Muslim, Jew, Sikh, Hindu or Atheist do not wish harm on others. Celebrate love, whether that love is between a man and a woman, two men or two women. Love is love. Accept that what you learned about gender growing up wasn't the whole truth, that people have a right to identify as they wish and that they deserve our love, support and acceptance not our misplaced fear. We need to remind ourselves that to disagree doesn't have to mean to hate, that the name-calling and accusations aren't debate and will lead to nothing but more anger.
I don't know what will happen if the UK votes to leave the EU, I hope my worst fears aren't confirmed but right now I'm scared that like toddlers having a tantrum when things don't go their way, those who have been told that immigration is to blame will only react with more violence when they realise their pure blood utopia isn't going to be realised.
I am British, I am European and I am a human. It's that last group that should matter the most.

Alone and at Risk: A Volunteer's Plans to Support Young Refugees at Calais

 Some of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers will have seen my posts about my brother Rob's plan to visit Calais to offer support to young people in the refugee camps there. I know how passionate he is about this and how given the opportunity will be able to offer valuable help to these vulnerable youngsters so I've invited him to answer a few questions about his plans, what he hopes to achieve and how he'd reply to certain points brought up in response to the refugee crisis.

Firstly, obviously I know you as my little brother, the boy who wore a green bobble hat for weeks and insisted on being called Mike (from the Monkees) but for the benefit of anybody who doesn't know you, can you tell me a bit about yourself, particularly what you do for a living?

Having moved on from the greatest rock and roll band in the world... I trained as a youth worker and have worked face to face with children and young people for over 20 years, whilst working with young people I was drawn to youth homelessness and have also co-led large groups of volunteers to run cold weather shelters for homeless adults in London. I then went on to manage several homes in London that offer accommodation and high quality support for homeless young people and those who are leaving care. I now work in development and spend most of my time talking with local authorities across the UK and how the charity that I work for can help. I have a keen interest in working with young refugees in this country and am currently working on a project to offer them homes and support.

I've seen lots of posts on Facebook about volunteers taking donations to refugee camps in Calais and beyond but you have different plans don't you?

Yes, while I think it's hugely important that the right kind of donations are still being offered (please check with your local group before donating goods, there is no refuse collection in the camps), my plan is slightly different, I aim to spend some time trying to identify children and young people who are in the camps alone, without their parents. I want to help them move to safer, smaller and more appropriate camps where their needs can be met.

Why single out young people when people of all ages are suffering?

The reality is that there is little infrastructure and a lot of chaos in the camps, with new arrivals daily and the threat of traffickers and exploitation the heightened risk to this specific group is worthy of attention. I have little understanding of the scale of the problem and part of my visit will be to plan for a more sustainable project later on. I have been inspired by a guy called John who I linked with some other friends who are in Calais. John used to run a logistics company and is using his skills to add a level of much needed organisation. This is a great example of using transferable skills for crisis management and I feel I can do the same. John went for a week and is staying for three months! He is also responsible for setting up the idea for volunteer houses which I intend to support.

You've already raised more than your target of £400 but the fundraising continues, what do you plan to do with all the extra money raised?

I've been blown away by the support I have been given, my fundraising is currently at £1120, however I am committed to raising more money to help even more volunteers come and offer support. As I said before, the extra money will go towards John's efforts to rent houses for volunteers.

You've planned the one trip but with so many people still fleeing their homes what do you want to achieve in the longer term?

In my head I would like to see a rolling group of professional volunteers continuing the work. When I have a better idea of the realities involved I plan on pulling together people from the child support world who are willing to help me set up something more sustainable.

Since the refugee crisis hit the headlines there have been several comments from people saying we should support our own homeless people first, particularly ex-service personnel. Are they right?

I am dubious to the real meaning of this suggestion, Firstly I don't recognise a difference between one person who needs help and another, we are all from Earth, and secondly, most of the people I have heard use this argument have done very little to offer help to those that they think have priority. I have spent years volunteering with Crisis, working with London's street homeless people, many ex service personnel, I would be more than happy to offer advice to those that see this as an option for their own volunteering efforts.

What about people who are concerned that by offering help we are just encouraging more people to make the perilous journey to Europe and that more parents will be putting their youngsters in danger?

If the only option you have is to risk your family's life at sea then it gives some indication of the scale of danger they are fleeing. There is good cause to offer safer assistance to those that are displaced and in transit and I believe the humane thing to do would be to spend public money and military time on evacuating these folk safely.

If people are unable to donate financially are there other ways they can help?

The biggest free thing to do is to talk to people, educate them on the reality, we can't rely on our media to tell an impartial story so let's tell our own.

Crowd fund! I've never done this before and am blown away by the amount of support I have received. People want to help, but sometimes don't know how. Why not help raise money for existing projects?

And finally do you have a message for anybody who has already donated or is planning to?

Firstly, those that have given, spent time, donated goods or have been sharing their stories, thank you, it's great to be a part of something better than what our world leaders are offering and your help will make a difference.

Those that are thinking of helping, do it! You may have noticed a lack of the big charities in Calais, the feeling is that they are holding off for political reasons. What we have left are many well meaning crowdfunder projects, it's really a case of putting your trust into something you are not sure about. I hope I have been able to reassure you that every penny that I raise is to maintain volunteer support in the refugee camps, and one person at a time we can all make this crisis a little brighter.


If you would like to make a donation you can find Rob's crowdfunding page here.

Please consider offering help in any way you can, writing and sharing posts, not just this blog (although thank you if you do!) may not feel much but every Facebook post, every Tweet that recognises the humanity of refugees is adding to the noise that Governments will have to respond to. We can't let the overriding narrative be taken over by the negative, by those who choose to see our fellow humans as them and us.

Refugees welcome

Alan Kurdi aged three, Galip Kurdi aged five. Remember those names, not as the names of migrants, nor asylum seekers. Remember they were children, little boys who just needed somewhere safe.
Maggie spotted the photo of Alan on Facebook and asked about it. I explained that people were trying to escape war zones or persecution but had drowned in the attempt. She assumed the little boy had fallen overboard and was an isolated case so when I told her that these drownings keep happening, that boats keep sinking and thousands of people have drowned she was horrified. At first she said she was glad she lived here where we're safe then worried that was selfish. I reassured her that being grateful for our lives doesn't make her selfish but some people think we shouldn't allow these people here too and that we don't have room for them. Her reaction was instant,
"That's just wrong! We have lots of empty houses here. We could go and buy a spare bed to let somebody live with us. It's not fair to let poor people die like that."
She is seven years old and in one sentence showed more compassion than many adults, including our Prime Minister.
In September 1940, the SS City of Benares was torpedoed, 90 children were on board, evacuees bound for Canada. When the boat sank 77 of these children died. These were children who had been put on a boat to seek refuge in a safer country. At the time there was an outpouring of sympathy and support for those who had lost children. These parents weren't criticised for making the decision to try and send their children somewhere safer even though it proved to ultimately be the wrong decision. Likewise the father of Alan and Galip deserves compassion not condemnation for putting his sons in what turned out to be a fatal situation. This is a man who has lost both his sons and his wife and they risked their lives not for a benefits package but because they hoped they would be able to start a new life where they could be safe.
I don't pretend to have the answers to the refugee crisis but I don't believe we can forsake our compassion, our humanity. It shouldn't matter whether a person is a brain surgeon or a street cleaner, is illiterate or has a university degree, we shouldn't only be moved to offer help because we may ultimately benefit from it, we should try to help because it's the right thing to do. These people are our fellow human beings and it should be our natural instinct to want to help. Of course that help should be ideally shared among countries, but we shouldn't refuse just because we perceive other countries aren't doing their bit. If we turn our backs and lose that instinct then I fear for what we have become and what we are capable of.
Thankfully there are still many people who haven't lost their sense of empathy and compassion, humanity isn't yet done for. This article in the Independent details ways in which people can help. The author, Patrick Ness pledged to match donations to Save the Children up to £10k, that total was reached in a few hours, John Green, Derek Landy and Jojo Moyes have since offered to match subsequent £10K increments. You can donate here. Dawn O'Porter is gathering supplies and raising money for the refugees at Calais. We may not have all the answers, we may often feel impotent but as long as we still feel, as long as we don't turn our backs then perhaps there is still some hope left?


Update
Since I wrote this blog yesterday afternoon Patrick Ness' fundraising has gone from strength to strength and as well as raising a huge amount of money for the refuge crisis has sent out an important message, that many, many people do care about the desperate plight their fellow humans are in and want to help.
Patrick's £10k donation has been matched by John Green, Derek Landy, Jojo Moyes, Hank Green and a group of American YA authors have also clubbed together to donate more. Just as important though are the donations from the public, from £1 to £10,000, they all send a message of hope and solidarity.
As things stand, the amount raised is currently over £155,000 (not including at least £20k pledged and Gift Aid) and when it reaches £195,000 author Louisa Young has pledged to raise it to £200,000. Virgin Money Giving don't make a profit from the site but ordinarily charge a 2% fee to cover their costs - they have said they will waive all fees if the total reaches £250k.
Last night Maggie came into the kitchen and said she wished she could do something to help. I told her I've donated some money and we've decided we're going to give some supplies to one of the organisations collecting for the Calais migrants, she's going to help me.
Alan and Galip - remember those names but now let the spur be those who are still alive and need our help.

Maggie's donation

Update 2!
Since my earlier update donations continue to pour in and several other authors and publishers have offered to donate £10k as the amount raised reaches subsequent targets. Money isn't the only answer but the generosity of all these people, from the smallest to largest donation is making me feel a bit weepy (in a good way!) this afternoon. Follow Patrick, @Patrick_Ness on Twitter for further updates.

Back garden camping - just as well there's no pitch fee!

Maggie could have gone to Beavers Camp this weekend but when they were booking she was adamant she didn't want to go. A few days beforehand she changed her mind, "I didn't know there would be pudding" but it was too late. To cheer her up I agreed to sleep in the tent with her in the back garden over the weekend.
We pitched the tent on Friday after school and after a lot of talking and a bedtime story she had finally fallen asleep but I was still awake and reading when something - or someone - hit the side of the tent. Then did it again. I immediately assumed it was my husband trying to spook us so waited for him to up the ante before it dawned on me that it was unlikely he'd bother getting out of his nice warm bed at 1am. So then I guessed it was the cat. I checked outside the tent and eventually spotted him - he was chasing a mouse that had taken refuge under the tent. After chasing him round, through and finally grabbing him as he attempted to scramble under the tent, I managed to hold onto him squirming while I unlocked the door and put him safely inside. At last I managed to get some sleep although it was broken much sooner than I'd have liked by the family of magpies who reside in our ash tree, they're noisy and frankly inconsiderate neighbours.
So on Saturday night I was more prepared and made sure the cat was indoors - until Maggie opened the door and he ran out... He jumped over the fence so I reluctantly left him to it, read Maggie a story and tried to settle down to sleep. I'd just started to nod off when I heard miaowing outside the tent. I left my warm sleeping bag and chased him around the garden again before managing to persuade him that there was food and a comfortable armchair waiting inside. Finally I could sleep! Or at least I could sleep until 4am when I was woken up by Maggie stood by my head pleading, "Help me, help me, oh help me!" Confused and groggy, I asked her what was wrong. She asked me again to help her. "Do you feel sick?" She nodded. "Quick! Get out of the tent!" I fumbled around for my glasses as I couldn't see a thing, looked around to see her trying to put her shoes on, "Forget your shoes if you're about to be sick, just get into the garden!" She looked confused so I felt her brow, it didn't have that imminent about to throw up clammy feeling so I asked her again if she felt sick. She was non-committal so, reassured I sat her down, put her shoes on and took her into the house asking if she needed a wee. She vaguely nodded then tried to go into the kitchen before I steered her into the bathroom then back into the tent. She immediately fell back to sleep while I lay there listening to the early dawn chorus - the small birds go first before the magpies and pigeons take over later.
At least the coffee making facilities were close by!

Matt Haig, male suicide and feminism

The writer, Matt Haig has been on the receiving end of some harsh and unkind tweets recently for mentioning that he's thinking of writing a book on toxic masculinity. He's been accused of mansplaining, of ignoring his male privilege and of usurping the aims of feminism to make it about men.
Having followed Matt for some time on Twitter now I know that he is a feminist, or if you prefer ( I don't), an ally to feminists and despite accusations to the contrary he is the antithesis to a men's rights activist.
Feminism is a broad church and as with any such movements there are bound to be people who are fighting for different goals. However, all are under the umbrella of feminism and in-fighting among what should be allies surely helps nobody but those who wish to at least maintain the status quo, if not turn the clock back to when things were even worse.
I'm a feminist, I can't remember deciding to become one, I just am. My version of feminism is about fairness and inclusiveness and that means recognising a patriarchal society can be damaging for men as well as women. It's about believing that if women can be strong then men can be vulnerable and should be able to express this without fear of being mocked. It's not about men co-opting the movement but it recognises the wider societal benefits.
It's a personal issue for me too as my brother killed himself in 2012. He was in many ways a textbook stereotype of a male suicide, working class, drug addict, severe debt... Yet I knew the person beyond this - the little boy who was teased for being small at school until he learned that he could stop them by being tough. The teenager who hated his skinny body and was painfully awkward in social situations. The young man who lost his mother to breast cancer when he was only 19 and could never really talk about his grief, instead bottling up his emotions for years. The addict desperately fighting his demons, winning some battles despite the shame he felt until he ultimately lost his war. The body, cold and alone on a hospital mortuary bed.
If you've never had to identify a body following suicide, never organised a funeral, never read the cold, hard facts in a coroner's letter, never watched your father break down in tears as he blamed himself then perhaps you're free to ignore what is happening to some of our men. I can't do that. I believe a society in which women have equal rights and equal respect will also benefit men who currently fear that not being the strong and silent type is a weakness, that mental health issues should be dealt with by "manning up" instead of by asking for help. Gender constraints harm us all, let's open up the conversation, feminism shouldn't be a closed shop.