Elf on the Shelf; The Adventures of Eddie and Cedric - Part One

December in our house signals elf on a shelf time aain. Our elves aren't spies and don't report back to the North Pole, they are here for fun. Eddie arrived three years ago with a letter from Father Christmas explaining he was keen and meant well but tended to make a mess so it was decided he should come to our house to help make Christmas fun rather than being on toy making or reindeer care duty. Cedric actually belonged to me when I was a little girl (and lived with my grandparents before that) but last year Father Christmas decided Eddie would like a friend so used his North Pole magic to turn him into a Christmas elf too.
As luck would have it I came down with a horrible bout of flu at the start of December but thankfully my fourteen year old, Lorna took on the job of arranging elf mischief before I was able to take over. Here are their adventures so far this year;

1st December - Eddie and Cedric brought Maggie her Playmobil advent calendar and a letter thanking her for looking after them during the year when they are "just" toys.

2nd December - I'm a Celebrity Elf - Get Me Out of Here!

3rd December - we awoke to find them stuck on top of the curtains.

4th December - a joint effort by Lorna and Connie meant the elves could be fairies for a while.

5th December - den building with the cushions from the sofa. Arthur the Playmobil elf joined in the fun.

6th December - popcorn and a Christmas film (Elf of course.)

7th December - Snakes and Ladders

8th December - Strictly Come Dancing. The minion was a particularly generous judge!

9th December - pin the nose on Rudolph

10th December - their attempt to help decorate didn't quite go to plan.

11th December - my brother and his fiancee sent a request to Eddie and Cedric and so this was for them;  Score Tonight from Grease 2 - elf style!

12th Dec - they decided the Christmas tree needed something more - and that something was socks!

13th December - a calmer night, they read Christmas stories to some festive friends.

14th  December - Snowball fight!!!

15th December - The elves version of Titanic. Eddie taking on the role of Rose ensures there is no space for poor Jack/Cedric. Maggie obviously hasn't seen the film but liked them playing shipwrecks.

16th - Elfie selfies!

Part Two to follow....

Pumpkins, Puddings and Pancakes

With Halloween over for another year and some shops already decorated for Christmas, I thought this would be a good time to share some of the ways my family marks the passing of the year.

As it's November I'll start with Autumn....

The Autumn Seasonal Table - collect leaves, berries, twigs, conkers etc. Add to it occasionally and make leaf rubbing pictures. Spend the rest of Autumn annoyed with my husband as he keeps putting his mobile/work folder/glasses/paper etc on top of it all.

My birthday - presents in the morning, breakfast when I make it, takeaway for dinner. Husband inevitably has a "can't miss" golfing day.

Halloween - Carve a few pumpkins or squashes. Hand out sweets in blue plastic bowl because I forgot to get anything spookier looking. Dress children (just Maggie nowadays) in shop bought outfits. Dress myself in black top, black skirt and witches hat. Get told off by Lorna for dressing up. Sneak some witchy make-up on when Lorna has gone off with friends. Trick or treating to relatives and a couple of school friends. Wipe off make-up before picking up Lorna. Realise a few days later the pumpkin lanterns have turned soft and are hairy.

Christmas Pudding Day - every year I plan to make one on or around Stir Up Sunday....sometimes (rarely) I succeed. Otherwise go to supermarket and buy two large puddings as they're on special offer. Realise I am the only person who likes Christmas pudding and will be eating it well into the New Year.

Elf on a Shelf - Maggie's elves Eddie and Cedric come to life on 1st December to deliver her advent calendar and to join in the seasonal fun. Start to run out of ideas after a week. Intimidated by Pinterest. Wake up in a panic at 3am one morning realising elves have been forgotten about, stumble into bathroom and draw fake beard and glasses on face. Spend morning trying to scrub pen off face.

Tree Day - bring tree down from loft. Argue about where to put it. Let the girls decorate as they see fit. Realise afterwards I forgot to hand out mince pies. Eat mince pies and redecorate tree when girls are in bed. This year will be different though as we've agreed to buy a real tree. I'm predicting that just as we've finished decorating it the cat will remember how much fun it is to climb trees, particularly trees that thoughtfully have toys hanging from them and by Christmas Eve it will be looking like the wreckage from the St Jude storm.

Visit to Father Christmas - Usually visit Father Christmas at Poole Park. Enjoy joke again about turkey going on holiday to O-ven. Remind older two that any younger children believe it is the real Father Christmas and they aren't to snigger too loudly at the fake beard, even if they can see the elastic.

Christmas Eve - Sneakily put present from the elves outside the back door, engineer way of getting Maggie to find it. Realise she wouldn't spot a wrapped elephant unless it stood on her foot. Engineer a second reason to go outside, this time with her. "Spot" presents and exclaim in surprise. Husband takes girls out to look at Christmas lights while I sort out stockings. This mostly involves me losing at least one present and phoning him in a panic telling him not to come home yet in a coded message as he has the mobile on hands free and the girls can hear me. Track Santa on Norad. Have "live" phone calls from Santa - secretly laugh at Lorna and Connie's acting skills as they try to make it look like they still believe for Maggie's sake. Allow the eating of one chocolate off the tree. Leave out milk, mince pie and carrot. Swap empty stockings for filled ones. Put presents under tree, spend what feels like hours waiting for girls to sleep to put stockings on beds. Eat mince pie, chop end off carrot and nibble it, attempting to make teeth marks look reindeer like. Wonder again why Father Christmas has milk and not something alcoholic in our house.

Boxing Day - crackers, cheese, leftovers day (more Christmas pud for me)

New Years Eve - board game, argue about what to watch on telly, drink sparkling wine or very dilute Mimosas at midnight (except Maggie who will have fallen asleep at some point between 9 and 11.45pm). Hopefully eat last of Christmas pud. Find a second Christmas pudding at the back of the cupboard. Several months later read at school "And on New Years Eve we stayed up late and drank wine"

Day before back to school day - realise nothing has been washed, PE socks are missing and lunch boxes still contain leftovers from last day of term

Pancake Day - spend what feels like hours by a frying pan, have several unsuccessful attempts at tossing pancake. Make alternatives for those who don't like pancakes. Eat those pancakes that were dropped or fell apart - cold.

Mothers Day - wake up to presents, spend most of day bemoaning still having to do everything because otherwise we'd all starve and go to school/work naked etc

Good Friday - buy Hot Cross buns on a bogof offer, remember children don't like them. Eat Hot Cross buns for every meal.

Easter Sunday - nests made from blankets made on Easter Saturday night, filled with eggs from Easter Bunny and family. Little chocolate eggs, mini-eggs etc hidden in various locations in sitting room. Find at least one egg on sofa - by sitting on it.

Fathers Day - cards, gifts, cooked breakfast, husband's choice of evening meal with banoffie pie for pudding even though only husband likes it.

Seaside Weekend June/July - plan to go out the day before. Wake up late and argue as to whether it's still worth going out. Realise no food in house for picnic. Buy food in Tesco. Arrive at beach at lunch time, already starving. Nowhere to sit, eat picnc in car,  husband moans about crumbs. Realise it's much colder than expected and regret wearing shorts.

Husband's birthday - he wakes up to presents, breakfast made for him, if it's the weekend he plays golf.  Go out for a meal.

Week's holiday in August - I pack for me and younger girls, write a list, lose list, pack clothes for every weather event possible despite knowing it's unlikely to be snowing in the Vendee in August. Lorna packs practically every item of clothing she owns and still asks me the evening before if I can wash and dry something she desperately needs to take. Husband packs his clothes, forgets to pack underwear. First argument in car about 20 minutes after leaving house. Get lost in Rouen. "It's not a holiday for me if I have to do everything" becomes a daily mantra. Husband horrified by amount of food and sand that accumulates in car during week. Careful pre-holiday packing not matched post holiday as everything is thrown into bags and cases. Takes three goes to fit everything into car. First argument about 10 minutes after leaving holiday complex. Get lost in Rouen.

Day before new school year - see day before back to school day.

Mind the gap!

On Monday my youngest daughter, Maggie will turn 6. She wants Playmobil pirates and penguins and a mermaid birthday cake. The following weekend she's having a party with the usual Pass the Parcel and Musical Statues games, with her whole class invited.
Talking of parties, tomorrow night my eldest daughter, Lorna is going to the party of a sixth form boy. She is fourteen. There will be drink there and sixteen, seventeen and eighteen year old boys. I am taking deep breaths! She is going with friends and I know I have to trust her to make the right decisions.
This is what life is often like when you have children with a larger age gap between them. I can spend my evenings swapping between listening to Maggie read an Oxford Reading Tree book to helping 11year old Connie remember her lines for a Year 7 Drama lesson, to assisting Lorna with revision before an assessment. It's a house with the giggles and tears of a small child, the door slamming and craziness of a preteen and the sarcasm and wit of a teenager.
Days out aren't always easy, the rosy view I had of being out with my family together turns out not to be as straightforward as I'd imagined. One of them is almost always bored. We have realised it's often better for everybody if one or two are left behind (with grandparents in the case of the younger two).  Maggie really doesn't enjoy shopping and Lorna hates tagging along on day trips meant for younger children. Enforced togetherness just for the sake of it doesn't work. That said when they are all out together it can be wonderful, I was watching them on the beach in France earlier this year. They'd marked out a long jump track and were taking it in turns to see how far they could jump but were mostly just laughing with each other.
When Lorna is taking her A levels, Connie will be in her first GCSE year and Maggie will still be at primary school in Y4 and I will probably be asked to organise a Victorian Day costume with two days notice again.
I've been reading The Gruffalo and Monkey Puzzle before bed for years, have seen infant TV crazes go from the Teletubbies to the Tweenies to Balamory to In The Night Garden to Mike the Knight. I know the words to all the songs from Tangled, can name every member of One Direction and know who Tyler Oakley and Zalfie are.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Out There

I've just watched the second part of Stephen Fry's series on what it means to be gay in different parts of the world. It is a hugely important series, we're living in a world where on the one hand we're celebrating as more and more countries pass equal marriage laws whilst at the other end of the scale laws exist criminalising homosexuality or outlawing "homosexual propaganda." In too many parts of the world it's a frightening and dangerous time to be LGBT. Homosexuality is illegal in 78 countries, it's illegal to be a lesbian in  49 countries. In 5 countries same sex activity is a crime punishable by death.
I am straight, laws passed giving LGBT people more rights or taking them away do not directly affect me. I am not victimised by homophobia. This doesn't mean I nor any of us should sit back and pretend we're not affected at all. What sort of world do we want to live in? We cannot and should not accept that somebody is treated differently, as a threat to our children, as somebody to be feared, despised or ridiculed just because of their sexuality.
I do not "tolerate" gay people, neither do I "accept" them. I don't say I tolerate or accept straight people so why would I need to for non-heterosexuals? People just are and if I'm going to judge somebody it certainly won't be because of who they are attracted to.
I'm more minded to say what I won't tolerate and what I won't accept. I won't accept homophobia, not the laws being used to threaten LGBT people in places like Russia and Uganda, not the "therapies" used to supposedly cure gayness and not the casual use of the word gay as an insult.
 Today is Spirit Day when people are asked to either wear purple or go purple online to support the stand against the bullying of LGBT youth. I've just taken these statistics from Stonewall's website from their School Report 2012 looking at the experience of gay young people in Britain's schools:

• Homophobic bullying continues to be widespread in Britain’s schools. More than half(55 per cent) of lesbian, gay and bisexual pupils have experienced direct bullying
• The use of homophobic language is endemic. Almost all (99 per cent) gay young people hear the phrases  ‘that’s so gay’ or ‘you’re so gay’ in school and ninety six per cent of gay pupils hear homophobic language such as ‘poof’ or ‘lezza’
• Three in five gay pupils who experience homophobic bullying say that teachers who witness the bullying never intervene
• Only half of gay pupils report that their schools say homophobic bullying is wrong, even fewer do in faith schools (37 per cent)
• Homophobic bullying has a profoundly damaging impact on young people’s school experience. One in three (32 per cent) gay pupils experiencing bullying change their future educational plans because of it and three in five say it impacts directly on their school work
• Gay people who are bullied are at a higher risk of suicide, self-harm and depression. Two in five (41 per cent) have attempted or thought about taking their own life directly because of bullying and the same number say that they deliberately self-harm directly because of bullying.

To quote Edmund Burke, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Perhaps there is little I can really do here, I'm aware I'm an armchair warrior but I don't think that's enough of an excuse to just sit here and accept what happens with a rueful shake of the head. At the very least the more of us straight allies who stand shoulder to shoulder with the LGBT community the stronger the message sent out to homophobes across the globe.

#amwriting

Firstly you may have noticed the title of my blog has changed. Hair Past a Freckle still exists but will now be just for book related posts. This blog will be for my general bletherings about whatever I feel like writing about. The title was inspired by Charles Dickens' quote, "Procrastination is the thief of time".
Welcome to my not really new as I've moved old posts here blog!

It was my birthday on Sunday, I was 41. I spent much of the day reading and writing. As a young child through to my teenage years I wrote all the time, poems mostly, but stories too. At some point though I stopped for some reason, even though still wrote in my head. I just never put anything down on paper. After my brother died last year however, I started another blog, After Simon as I felt my head was going to explode unless I wrote the words down. It was as if I had no choice, I didn't so much want to write as needed to. Since then it feels like the door I closed on my writing has been opened, firstly through blog posts but eventually I ignored that niggling critic and started writing a book. It's very early stages and may only ever be for my eyes, I don't yet know how I'll feel when it's finished. It doesn't matter though, it just feels good finally admitting to myself that I need to write and that there doesn't need to be a reason other than that.
In the meantime I've been reading tips from other writers which mostly seem to boil down to eating toast and spending too long on Twitter - both of which I'm already very good at!
And on that note, the toaster has just popped...

Mum, the Milibands and the Mail

It's my mum's birthday today. She should have been 61, instead she is frozen in my memory at 42, the age she was when bronchopneumonia secondary to metastatic breast cancer stole her from us. She was diagnosed with cancer just a month after her 40th birthday, I was 20 and my brothers 17 and 16 respectively. We watched her undergo gruelling chemotherapy, cried with her when we learned her treatment was palliative, tried to become used to seeing her without hair, listened to her vomiting day after day in the bathroom, saw the cancer cruelly invade her bones. And finally we sat with her in that hospital cubicle as she ceased to recognise us and then thanks to the morphine drifted into a sleep that we watched over holding our breaths as we waited for her to take her last.
This November she will have been dead for 19 years, I have spent most of my adult life motherless. She knew I was engaged but missed my wedding, has never known her grand-daughters, hasn't grieved with me as I've mourned the death of aunts and uncles, my grandad and my brother (would my brother still be alive if she was?) She hasn't seen the woman I've become.
Yet she shaped me. We frequently disagreed and had she been alive I know we'd have engaged in some strong discussions. Our political views were different and I wonder what she would have made of my parenting. I suspect she may not have agreed with all my decisions and probably would have said as much, but she raised me to believe in my choices. I always knew I was unconditionally loved by her and my dad and between them they gave me the confidence and self-belief to be who I choose to be. And that's what being a parent is all about really isn't it? No matter how you choose to raise a child your ultimate aim is for that child to grow into an adult secure enough in your love and respect to make their own choices in life.
So it is that as I remember Mum I'm struck by the thought that Ralph Miliband's sons are adults raised in a loving family and given the self-belief to make decisions based on their own consciousness. The Daily Mail has been roundly and rightly criticised  this week for its disgusting slur on a dead man based on a diary entry of a 17 year old. There can be no defence for this sort of gutter journalism. Ultimately though would it really have mattered if Ralph had hated Britain? Ed is not Ralph and whilst he may have been influenced by his father it's clear he's chosen a different political path. Are we all to be judged by the beliefs of our parents? We don't have to go back very far to a time when institutionalised racism and homophobia were commonplace. How many of our parents or grandparents would have supported equal marriage back in the 50s, 60s or 70s? How many casually referred to "going for a chinky", watched Love Thy Neighbour or referred to children with Down's Syndrome as mongols? We are not the same. Our parents made mistakes, we have learned from them. We should not be judged by their beliefs but by our own. Because despite their mistakes they gave us the confidence to make up our own minds.
So yes the Mail's lies are sickening and shame the free Press and I understand Ed's disgust and admire him for standing up to Dacre. Were the story true though would it have influenced my vote? Not a bit.

Secondary school - 11 things you may not know

Connie started at her new secondary school on Tuesday. I had the usual lump in my throat at yet another milestone reached and she was nervous she'd become lost but she didn't and says she's happy there so far.

Having already gone through "the change" with Lorna (now in Y10 so starting GCSEs - aaargh!) I feel I can offer a few tips or words of advice to those of you who are new to secondary school life or will be waving your child off to bigger big school in the future.

1. You are unlikely to get to know many of the parents. Many children make their own way to school, those that are driven jump out of the car. At home time don't make the mistake of getting out of your car to wait for them. If you are not already embarrassing you soon will be. Don't hasten the inevitability.

2. You will not have much involvement in school life. There may be the odd performance if your child is so inclined, or the occasional awards ceremony but that's about it. At our school parents aren't invited to Sports Day and even if they were Lorna would die if I even thought of attending. Likewise carol services etc, even if parents are invited think very carefully about attending. Your little boy or girl who would look out hopefully for you at primary school is now more likely to be cringing because you turned a page a fraction more noisily or coughed quietly.

3. Your child's friends will begin to ignore you in the street. Not straight away but in time the child you've known since they were in nappies will avert their eyes when you pass. This becomes even more true if they are with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

4. Yes, boyfriends and girlfriends come on the scene. With luck it will be a while before your child is heartbroken. We've not experienced that yet, but it will probably happen. You may want to know all the details - who asked who out, do they hold hands, have they kissed yet? DO NOT ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS! Nothing causes a teen to clam up quicker. If they want to talk they will, let them know they can talk to you about anything then leave it up to them.

5. Listen when your child says they will not wear the expensive school coat because nobody else does. They really won't wear it, preferring to freeze than to make some terrible school fashion faux pas. And the coat will just hang uselessly in the wardrobe (ask me how I know this!)

6. Be realistic about alcohol. At some point your child is most likely going to drink it, acknowledge that and let them know you trust them to know the difference between being drunk and being dangerously drunk. It might not work but if you respect your child they are more likely to respect themselves.

7. You can lead a teen or pre-teen to fruit but you can't make them eat it - not at school at least. Be prepared for them to come home saying they had a cheese panini and a muffin for lunch. Fruit often seems to have mysteriously run out by the time they reach the front of the lunch queue.

8. Parents Evenings are a special kind of hell. Remember how they always ran late at primary school? This is so much worse! Your child now has different teachers so you will need to make separate appointments to see each of them. It may be that you rely on your child to make these appointments so don't be surprised if the first is at 3.45, the second at 5 and the third at 5.05. They will over-run and you will find yourself being "next in" to see the geography teacher 20 minutes later than booked knowing this will make you miss your appointment slot with the science teacher who will, according to Murphy's Law, be running on time. My main tip for Parents Evening would be to not try to see every teacher. If your child has no musical inclination for instance and says they're happy enough in music lessons then accept that. Trying to see every single subject teacher in one night is probably mission impossible and your child's class tutor should be able to help if you do have any concerns.

 9. Homework becomes more frequent and there is more of it. Remind them but accept that if they don't do it then they will have to suffer the consequences. At primary you may have been able to go in and explain that you'd been away for the weekend and so they'd forgotten all about their maths sheet but not at secondary school.

10. Stock up on printing paper and ink. Seriously. So much homework involves printing something off, you'll go through tons of both.

11. Enjoy them growing up! Sure there will be arguments, slamming of doors, eye rolling etc but teenagers are clever, witty people. You will be amazed at how perceptive they can be and finding out things you have in common, a shared love of comedy shows for instance will be a real pleasure. They can be good company, I probably laugh more with Lorna than with anybody else.